I'm a 1/4 of the way finished with Chemo....#3 down and now I can start counting down from 9-8-7... I love it, only 3 more until I'm at the halfway point!  I could go on, but you get my point and my excitement to be making progress! AND, with Oct. knocking on the door, we all can taste the Holiday season fast approaching. Time flies this time of year, so before I know it, I'll be done with the 12 and can move on to my final 4 of AC. I don't even care if those drugs make me feel bad. I've tolerated the Taxol so well that my mind is in such a good place to face the yuckiness of the other and I don't even care that I'll feel bad for 4 rounds!

I still have a full head of hair and have been told by those that see me daily, I look completely normal. Can't even tell I've had a double mastectomy and am taking chemo! YEA! Last week was a little rough in the pain category. Dr. Grodley filled me up last week and I could feel the stretching and just raw pain throughout each day. The pain meds definitely came in handy and completely take the edge off! This week we drained another 110cc from my arm pit. Apparently the main lymph vessel is not drying up in order to seal off. He really tried to drain the pit completely and it helped, for about 12 hours and then my lemon of a bump was back albeit smaller so far! He put a little less saline in my expanders to lesson my pain. AND, I think I might be done filling, I am now at 210cc each side!!!  I feel as though I'm pretty normal, I feel I look like me; before surgery, with a padded bra, my favorite padded lululemon tops (tops with built in bras-for those of you that don't know lululemon), a padded swimsuit top, basically I can take the dreaded pads out of all my favorite items and look like I did before without pads!!!  TMI???  This blog is all about TMI, ha ha, sorry!  Anyway, I feel nice and comfortable with where I am and now I can just settle in to make sure this is where I want to be!  Actually the pain from last week is either slowly going away with this last topping off of saline or I'm getting used to it! Now if I could just dry up the fluid from my arm pit and be done with feeling like I have a lemon under my arm!!

Friday was chemo day and the benadryl knocked me out completely, I don't even remember the nurse coming in to switch my first meds to the chemo. Once I was home, Rob felt comfortable enough to leave me and go run errands. Not sure why he felt the need to watch over me, as if something bad was going to happen at home after chemo? I think we are now in a good routine, chemo, home and sleep!  I slept another 1 ½ once I was home. I felt so much better once my nap was over. The benadryl was gone from my system. I made myself wake up because I wanted to sleep Friday night as the previous weekends I didn't sleep very well. I stayed up later than usually Friday night (12:00am) and slept until 5:45am, at least I slept through the night!! I think I've come to the conclusion I look pretty pale on Fridays (Rob thinks I look like I'm about to get sick-but I don't even feel close to it), and then by Saturday am my color is back. I guess when you put poison in your body a pale face is to be expected! And the nurse did say this week, after the 3rd treatment, this should be the week I start to lose my hair.  OH WELL, I don't care as good as I feel, my hair will grow back!
And then last night my cousins Craig & Stacey came up from Sugarland because their boys were playing football at one of the private schools just down the road. It was so much fun watching them play. Emma was even invited down during the 4th quarter to go on the field with the cheerleaders!  Can you imagine how happy she must've been? They lifted her up several times and had her holding poses!  She was in cheerleader heaven!!  OH NO, what will this morning be like-cheers, chants and attempted stunts I'm sure??

On Thursday I had a long conversation with my aunt (my mom's sister) who had breast cancer at 39. She is a 22 YEAR survivor!!!  How amazing...what hope, what inspiration she is to all of us facing this disease now, to all of us who know 2...3...6 year survivors! There's no doubt in my mind that my aunt will be a 50 year (or more) survivor. I'll be right there with her cheering her on! I know it's difficult to bring up memories from something that must've been so difficult and how times have changed in 22 years with treatments AND awareness!

Last Tuesday and Thursday I went back to boot camp. I KNOW, I KNOW-crazy, huh?  Well, let me put it to you this way. I didn't do much!  I promise!!!  I can't even run (the expanders don't feel right), jump or do anything to move quickly. So, really all I did was get up at 5am, go hug all my friends and get to talk!!!  Ha Ha!  Thanks so much to all my girls who wore pink in honor of me coming back, how touching!! I did a few exercises for my legs, abs and stretched, that was about it. I wasn't even sore the next day, a little tight, but not sore. I walked a little of the workout (when others ran) and feel as though I can add more walking next week. I'm taking it 1 week at a time and will add exercises and such as I feel up to it. It was just so good to be back to something I'd spent the last 5 ½ years doing. It made me feel so good on Tues. & Thurs. coming home, ready to tackle the day!!

I want to take a moment to talk about something that has been weighing on my heart. I've started doing more, and getting on with 'normal' mommy daily chores. I'm not volunteering at school nearly as much as I did before. I have no lead jobs, but help when asked, if I can! I have 4 day weeks to get it all done. I really spend about 1-1 ½ days running errands and the rest of the time I get stuff done at home and sit around!!!  I'm getting the most wonderful meals from so many wonderful neighbors and friends alike! However, I don't want anyone to think I'm taking advantage of the meals. As I do more, I feel guilty having someone bring a meal to me and my family. And, I don't want anyone to feel obligated to stay committed to their obligation of signing up. I had a long talk with Heather (my meal train CEO) and she eased my mind a little. I know if I asked you to stop bringing meals, then that might be the week I'm down and out or I might offend you who are signed up. We have had all delicious meals and my kids are eating great!!  (So, please contact me personally if you have a conflict and need to skip that day-I'm giving anyone an 'out' AND it won't hurt my feelings-HONESTLY).  As we got a meal from my neighbor Thursday, God must've spoken to me, or at least comforted me on my guilt. This is how your meal is helping me; my kids are all eating great (have seriously cut back on eating out on weekends-because of leftovers),  part of my positive attitude comes from great meals that I didn't have to slave over, clean up dishes, etc. I haven't had to plan for any meals during the week. I get hugs and well wishes personally delivered 3x each week. The meals are helping in so many more ways than just putting food on the table!!  My kids are seeing how friends step in and help those in times of need. They are learning how to help others in return. So, thanks Heather for easing my mind and my guilt. Now, that I've made all of you feel guilty, for not signing up (there are only so many days in a week)...ha ha, please don't, I just wanted you to know it's been on my mind and I certainly don't want anyone to think I'm taking advantage of the situation. In a way I am, but I cannot express how YOU are an integral part of my healing and recovery!

And for those of you that aren't a part of the meal train, no worries. You are helping me in so many other ways as well. The emails, texts, hugs, visits to me at home, stopping me on the street, even a wave from you car and a smile from your face show me you are thinking of me. My attitude comes from each and every one of you that think of me on a daily basis. Even if you don't reach out, I know you are thinking of me. It lifts me up beyond belief. Without you, I would be so depressed and it'd be hard to continue this fight for many more months. I can see where people who fight this battle alone can get depressed and how it can affect their fight. So, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, from deep in my soul. YOU are why I am so positive and why I know from my gut, that my cancer is going to loose and why I have the rest of my life to be healthy. This is only a very short year in my life that will go down in the history books as a blurred memory!

Check out the People magazine this week. Joan Lunden is on the cover and she is completely bald!  She looks beautiful! She was diagnosed this summer with breast cancer. October is National Breast Cancer awareness month! It's time to go PINK!  I ask you to wear Pink when you can in honor of all those the have or have had breast cancer. It is really a great feeling to see it all on TV, to see the kids wear pink on their sports teams. Nathan's football league (SCFL) has the boys on all their teams wear pink socks, etc. And to be in the middle of my fight, it is so very touching to see how many people support bringing awareness to the forefront. 1 in 7 women are diagnosed with breast cancer. It is now a disease of young women as well as older women. No longer is it only our grandmothers disease. It is our disease! Our kids are growing up with their mom having breast cancer, our kids are meeting friends that have been through the same thing. I want to personally thank each and every person that has helped, and will help my children cope and be able to talk about breast cancer. Natalie's teachers are amazing, and her friends parents are so kind in helping with the Pink Club at school. They are all bringing awareness and showing their support to Natalie!! It makes this momma feel at peace with all this even more!

Not sure I've said this before....but here's my bible message for the day.....
in times of need, in times of struggle, "Whatever the path looks like, God has a plan for every step."
Jeremiah 29:11


My love, my hugs, my kisses and my prayers to each and every single one of you!!!!