I went for a follow-up apt. with Dr. Gordley on Tuesday. YES, my drains were removed and one last little wire that was still inside connected to a doppler (that was removed upon leaving the hospital).  All 5 of these items (4 were drains) just get pulled out. No I can't 'feel' them, but I can tell they are being pulled out. They don't hurt, it's just a weird sensation. I feel like a new person with no drains. But now I have to wear a band around my belly. It helps with swelling, support, etc. Kinda like a pregnancy band, stretchy and velcro. It actually is pretty comfortable and I do feel some protection of my scar, etc. with it on. I'm standing a little straighter now. Most people probably think I'm standing straight, but I've still got a few inches to go! I cannot lay completely flat yet either. The pull of the skin down in my groin and all the way up to my chest is still there, although it doesn't hurt to stretch, it actually feels good. Dr. Gordley also gave me the go-ahead to drive. What freedom that is to know I can get in the car and go somewhere. No, I'm not galavanting around town, shopping as Rob would claim. I am sitting at home, twiddling my thumbs, bored off my rocker! I've made a few trips to the kids school and the grocery store. On Tuesday evening I went to the high school volleyball game. Every year they do a 'Dig Pink' week and have a game to show support for Breast Cancer survivors and raise money for the Sideout Foundation. I went ahead and purchased 3 raffle tickets and what do you know, I WON!  How ironic is that and what a weird feeling to be sitting there as they called my number. I even enjoyed being able to go to Natalie's volleyball game on Thursday.
Friday was a fun day for us around here. The kids had a storybook parade at school. Instead of dressing up for Halloween, they dress up as their favorite story book character and parade around school carrying their book. I knew I couldn't sit in the bleachers comfortably, so I asked my favorite PE teacher if I could use a chair from her office. I never ask for special privileges, but I've learned you kinda have to just do it sometimes. Sure enough, by time I got to school, there was a chair front and center, with my name on it! I blame my friends who are so sweet and kind to reserve it for me, they really know how to take care of me! But, LOL, here I am, along the parade route with a chair, all these grandparents standing, sitting on the floor, etc. and not me, I had the best, most comfortable seat in the house!!!  And then several of my HS friends came out to have lunch with me. Such a treat, (especially since we were all suppose to be in Nashville for a girls trip-everyone cancelled because I had to). I really enjoyed sitting outside and hanging with these ladies for several hours!  Thanks, Marcy, Lisa & Tanessa!!
Today, Saturday, is Nathan & Emma's football & Cheer league annual Pink Out Day. During halftime of their games, the announcers will announce the person each player or cheerleader is playing in honor of today. Everything will be pink at the fields today. It is such an honor. Not a club I'd ever ask to be in, but once you're in, the love and support from everyone is absolutely amazing and so spiritually uplifting. I've even been told that one of Nathan's teammates and another friend, on another team are playing in honor of me, so touching. I don't mean to make an impression. But these young kids are watching. We never think they are paying any attention to adults. But they are. They see how we react to life's challenges. If I can be any kind of positive influence on these little kids to one day, when they are a husband, a father, a friend to a breast cancer patient and they can look back and say, you know she did it and so can you. To let these kids, my kids know, my scars don't make me. My scars don't bother me and that's all they are, scars, outwardly signs of what I went through.
Natalie is even doing her part today. The entire Woodlands Volleyball group (7th-12th grade) is having a bake sale on a street corner in hopes of raising money for the Sideout Foundation. I made breast cancer ribbon sugar cookies. (no, I'm not a baker, yes they look homemade, but I bet they're good).

As you can tell things are slowly getting back to normal. I'm up and doing things around the house just as normal. Except that I can't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk or more than 5lbs. That's hard to remember! I will say this surgery is easier than the mastectomy and I'd probably go ahead and say easier than a c-section. The recovery is long and since I feel so good that will be something I have to remind myself of daily.

Enough about my life post-surgery.....There's been a lot of talk about how people are portrayed on social media as having it all together, yet in real life they're falling apart. How people post things to one-up other people. Well, I don't post much and I don't have it all together, but I'd like to think I kinda have it under control. I wanted to share a little bit more of how I keep it together.

The Lord is my strength and my shield, in Him my heart trusts. So I am helped and my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to HIM. Psalm 28:7  Just sit and think about this for a moment. Think, digest, reflect, process these words. I mean really process them. If we really and truly trust HIM, we can be at peace. We have no worries, no fears, we can live each day without worrying about the future. I was watching the Today Show this week, Dick Van Dyke was on. Did you know he's 90? The point of the segment was that he stays active everyday. He exercises (in a gym-you should see the weights he puts on those machines), he dances, sings, you name it. My point is, as I was watching I was thinking about my own longevity. I just burst into tears. I want to live to be 90, heck maybe even like 100 or something! Dick said there's a 100 meter world record for a 100 year old (4 people ran in that race), 27 seconds. His goal is to beat that. Maybe I'll start senior track and field games! And I want to do it all this with Rob by my side. I want to walk on the beach together holding hands, thinking about our kids, our life's struggles, and how wonderful life is. I WANT TO BE A 50 YEAR CANCER SURVIVOR! Yes, that'd make me at least 91! My point is, I love life. Sure there are struggles, sure things get in the way, but God created this place for us to enjoy, waiting for His Kingdom. So, why not enjoy it? Find the good in all you do, take time to look at the sunrise, sunset and even stop and smell the roses? (when was the last time you smelled a natural flower? I do, every time my gardenia's or plumeria's bloom!) I know I'm fairly young and life can take so many, many turns that can make everyday difficult. But, if GOD is on my side, if I lean on Him and I Have Faith in Him, I can get through anything. 'I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future!' My advice to you is this....if you're not happy, if things aren't going like you want....CHANGE. Ask for God's hand in the change. Stop, slow down, smell the roses. We don't have to run around at break neck speed, trying to get it all accomplished. It'll get done and if not, who really cares. Because if you're not happy, no one is, so BE HAPPY!

love, hugs, & prayers for you.....

I did it!  I made it to the In The Pink Luncheon on Friday!!!!  I was so excited Thursday afternoon when Katie (my breast cancer surgeon's PA) told me to ask Dr. Gordley if I can go. I wasn't going to push it, but she put a little bug in my head. Rob told me to call his office Thur. evening and make sure he was making his rounds early enough so I could leave the hospital. I didn't do that as I felt like, if he comes early then it's meant to be. If he doesn't then oh well. Come Friday morning, I woke up early, 6am. I brushed my teeth, because who wants to breathe morning breath on their plastic surgeon. Dr. Gordley makes his rounds by 6:30am (I learned this during my mastectomy). 6:30 came and went and no Dr. Gordley, so in my mind, I wasn't going to get out in time to go to the luncheon. By 7am he was in my room, releasing me. I asked him his thoughts on if I could make it to the luncheon. He looked at me funny and said, I can't imagine you'd want to go, you have drains, you just had surgery, but if you want to, do it. Of course, he's a guy and doesn't understand the importance of this to me. I've had it planned for 6 months. My friends, my family, all are rallying behind me to be there in spite of me having surgery. The last thing he said, was to call him for a follow-up and don't do anything stupid this week! (OMG, ha ha, does he know me after a year of being under his care).  Once the nurse came back in, she said she thought I'd be fine and she'd get me out of there asap so I can make it! See, girls understand! And of course, I'd already texted Katie and she said I'd be fine! After all it is a luncheon where you have to sit and listen to speakers!
By 8:30, I was waiting on Rob to get there and pick me up! I was home by 9:30 and I quickly got in the shower and threw on an athleta skirt (longer, super stretchy and elastic AND black!), I had to use my white (you can see the pics) tank top that holds drains (thank you Dillard's) and a I had a lose pink shirt! DONE!!  By 10:30 I was sitting waiting on my dad, Linda and Kristy. These are the only ones who knew I was going. My friends kept texting me pictures and asking when I was getting out of the hospital. I was ignoring them!  I got to the luncheon and saw a few surprised people and got some funny looks-because not only did I have a baggy shirt with funny buldges, I was completely hunched over. We went into the silent auction area (boy I wish I could walk around and bid on some awesome items), but Kristy found me a chair and I just sat in the corner. I quickly spotted a group of my Galatas (kids elementary) friends, I made eye contact and waited for a few to notice. Next thing I knew, someone spied me, a few screams, some serious stares and I'll never forget seeing Dawn jump up and start running to me! They couldn't believe it....I made it!  Dawn said someone walked up to her and said 'Patti Kimmel is here' she quietly said 'oh no, she couldn't make it, didn't you hear she had to have surgery and is in the hospital!' Little did they know...I really was there!  This all goes back to the cancer. I may not be able to say when, and I may not be able to plan, but I can control all the other things. I WILL NOT LET IT GET ME DOWN. CANCER CANNOT STOP ME!  The surprises kept rolling in, word even got back to those not at the luncheon and I continued to get texts of people not believing I made it!  You see, it's really not that hard. Let me explain. I'm a healthy, active person. I may not have been all that active this last year, but I still exercised, ate healthy and took care of myself. I have an extremely strong will and maybe can deal with pain pretty well. This surgery is extremely extensive. Yes, I have a scar from my hip to hip, I have a new belly button and a completely new boob. But the boob is numb, there are no nerve endings. The pain I feel there is so minor. The pain I had prior to all this, the reason all this had to happen was so bad, every day I felt the tightness, the awful pain of a radiated boob that wasn't happy. The scar on my tummy doesn't hurt. Honestly, my c-section hurt worse. You see, this was all just skin and fat that was cut on, no muscle. The skin is extremely tight, imagine 9 months pregnant and you physically think you CANNOT stretch any more, multiply that by 10 and add the entire area of you abdomen (from my groin and up to my ribs). And, let's not forget about my back, the muscles are not happy I cannot stand straight. That said, the pain is so minor I'm down to taking 1 or 2 pills a day and that is just precautionary. Once I get the drains out this week, I will be golden. I will have to tell myself-take it slow. Because, how easy we forget we can or can't do things. And let's not forget. I have so many wonderful friends and family that lift me up, prayers, thoughts, small gestures, etc. have given me an amazing amount of strength. And without GOD none of this is possible. HE gives us strength. Just when we think we can't do things, if all we do is believe, have an ounce of Faith it's all there. Waiting on us. You feel like you can conquer the world. And, yes, thank you all for giving me the strength and your prayers. They are needed, felt, wanted and greatly appreciated!

To all of you out there, the world is waiting for us, we have to believe, we have to have Faith in God above and use what he gives us. Life is short, enjoy each day and don't take it for granted!  Love your life!

love, hugs and prayers and until next time.....

I guess I better update y'all with the happenings of this week.  Sunday night about 9pm I got out of the shower, within a few minutes of taking my towel off, blood started gushing (yes, gushing, squirting, you name it, it did it), out my small spot on my lower part of the left boob.  I grabbed a gauze pad and held it on.  Not sure really what to do, (Rob was down stairs, kids in bed), I called my mom and she told me to go to the ER. UGH, really?  I texted Rob to come upstairs (in the mean time my mom called him in case I was going to let it slide). He kinda checked me out and we decided it was stopping enough with gauze and a bra that I should be fine until Monday. A little bit later that evening, I took the bra off to go to sleep and immediately the gauze started filling with blood, pooling, dark red blood-ew gross!  We repacked it, and the bra went back on. I had a great nights sleep, got the kids off to school and went to see Dr. Gordley at 9am. In his casual way, said "let's see what's going on?" Well did he ever get a surprise when he went to move the gauze and got squirted with blood!  Yes, he did and yes, I made a mess of the table and myself. He covered me back up, casually pulled out his phone and started looking at his calendar. In my head I'm thinking, please not this week. Let me make it to the In The Pink Luncheon on Friday!  I mean, for heaven's sake I have a table with 9 other family and friends to celebrate and enjoy the day with-right!  And, let's not forget about my HS friends trip to Nashville the next week. I mean, c'mon, how long can I stay with an open wound? Ok, back to Dr. Gordley, he looked at me and said, this week is bad, next week is bad, but I have to do this today!  WHAT...seriously?  Why does this happen to me...?  This month is so busy, and needless to say I have kids that have teams sports to deal with, etc. UGH!!!!  I mean how can I plan for a major surgery, several days hospital stay in only a few hours!  Well, I did it and it worked out fine!  Thanks to the many friends who will be toting my kids around the next few weeks and all the extra stuff I may need help with.  I literally went home and just calmly got everything ready for the week. Amazing what you can do when you have to. By 1pm, I had left both schools to tell the kids, (yes they were completely unaware anything was happening-I mean who tells their kids they are profusely bleeding?) and was checking in at the hospital. My surgery was scheduled for 3pm. But wait, what is Dr. Gordley really going to do to me. So as the nurses were prepping me for surgery, he came by and explained it all. And it will take 6 hours!!! I made sure I told the crew NO MORPHINE, I really didn't even want the other pain pump meds, loopy is not what I wanted to feel that night after surgery. So I went it and had a great dream (don't remember what it was about, it was just really good) and remember waking up in the OR with them prepping me to get out of there. Next thing I knew I was in ICU. Dr. Gordley went in and removed the implant on the ruptured skin side, he then marked my belly where he was going to cut the skin out. He had to use all my belly skin he removed to form the new boob. He said every time he went to work with the skin already there it would just rip and wouldn't cooperate. So, I now officially have a belly boob. The fat was removed from my lower abdomen, the individual blood vessels were ever so carefully unattached and reattached up top. Dr. Gordley, jokingly, seriously, laughingly said to me he had to literally bend me forward sitting me up to put my stomach back together. Yes, I'm now walking like an old person, hunched over at the waist because my skin literally is pulled so tight. Give it a few weeks and I should be standing straight!  I have 2 tiny stitches that are just little loops on the outside of my belly boob that mark where the blood vessels are reattached on the inside. They put a little doppler (think ultrasound that listens to the heart beat of a baby when your pregnant) on the spot of the stitches and there's the pulse. The most critical time is 48-72 hours after surgery when this blood supply must be reestablished. This is the main reason I was in ICU for 3 days. There's even a wired gadget thing that is an external doppler, they have 3 ways to check for the pulse and it is done every hour.  I slept pretty good the first night. The only real problem was my catheter, it wasn't draining. The nurse was ready to pull it out and put another one in, OMG, NO WAY!!!  Oh, WOW, this is when I really started praying. She had the new cath out, sitting right there and what she did twice, another nurse did once and all of a sudden there goes my urine, down the tube and filling it! Oh, THANK YOU GOD! Other than this, I simply
begged for them to remove the pain pump and go straight pills (Hydrocodone).  The pain med was delotted?  something like that, I had that back during the mastectomy and it is just a totally loopy drug.  Once Dr. Gordley made rounds at 6:30am he moved my hydrocodone to every 4 hours. I think I pushed the pump 1 more time and was then weaning down to 1 pain pill every 4 hours. By today, Thursday I am taking 1 pill whenever I need it.  Honestly, the belly boob doesn't hurt because it's all numb and will remain that way. The only pain I feel is the scar on my belly and the pulling of the skin is just real tight, not even the abs, just the skin. Oh, and I forgot to say, I have a new belly button, well the same one, just in a new spot..ha ha!
 I've had so many visitors that the boredom hasn't been bad. My PA, Katie and even my breast cancer surgeon Dr. Fitzsullivan have stopped by. Katie has been in every day this week to chat. She gave me a few little 'heads up' that Dr. Gordley won't even dare mention and if I asked him, he'd get turn beat red! She said, some women have to use the lower down skin and randomly you will get a stray hair (yes, down there hair) grow on your boob!  OMG, LOL!!!  Right now, I just have peach fuzz from my belly, hopefully no hair will randomly grow on my boob! And, yes the fat will remember where it was (I had heard this before), that just because it's in my boob now, it was and always will be belly fat! Meaning when I lose belly weight, I'll lose boob weight now!  UGH!  Ha Ha!!!

Anyway, all is well now, the kids are all doing great, my mom has been a champ taking over duties, Rob is and always has been amazing!  And I am ready to get home. No, I won't do too much, heck, I can't even stand straight. Much less walk or drive. Yes, everything will get taken care of, life goes on around me and I'll just find a comfortable spot on my couch and catch up on the DVR or netflix!  Everyone has been amazing. I truly believe when we moved to The Woodlands 10 years ago and have staying the same house for that long, it was all for a reason. I have the most amazing friends and the schools my kids go to are just as wonderful! And let's not forget about the all important, most amazing man upstairs!  Without God in my life, without the prayers asking for a change in heart, to learn to take things as they come and not try to 'plan' every detail of my life out, without a sense of 'it'll be ok' without God in my heart and in my life, none of this is possible. HE is the only reason my mind is comfortable and at ease!  THANK YOU GOD!

Thanks again for all your love and support. Thanks again for all your prayers. Now, maybe I can officially say this is all over.

Oh, and let me not forget to say...Go get your mammograms!  Do not delay....I wouldn't wish this upon anyone!!!

Unless you've been under a rock, y'all know October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!
I'll try not to get on a soap box too much, but I have to say my peace. Early detection is the key. Since my diagnosis I've met several women that went in for routine mammograms and learned they had breast cancer. Not a lump they could feel (mine wasn't either, but mine had already grown), but only a mammogram could detect it. They were diagnosed with stage 0 cancer....Yes, I know you only thought there were stages 1-4. That means that stage 0 is so small, so contained the only course of treatment is a mastectomy. No chemo, No radiation....surgery!  How wonderful is that!!!

As I move closer and closer to my final surgery, I'm ready. I'm really ready to pack all this up and put it behind me. All this is just preparing me and transformed my mind for what I didn't want to do, but really needed to do, and I'm ok with all of it. I've been in more pain lately (thank goodness for pain pills) and I have a little spot on the radiated side, the 'bad' area of my left breast that isn't looking so good. I've seen the Dr. and he is letting me hold off on surgery until my scheduled date of Nov. 12. This is me taking control and not letting anything else call the shots except me! Yes, life is extremely busy right now, 4 sports-3 kids! And of course, my personal calendar. The surgery is still scheduled to be a complete reconstruction of the left breast. The Dr. will use tummy fat (he has said all of it) and will even use skin to reconstruct the left side. I told Dr. Gordley to make sure he pulls my skin down tight so my stomach can look like a 16 year old again! And yes, I'll take a picture of the perfect '6-pack Abs' in surgery so he can see exactly what I expect!!!  And he did agree, after all I've been through I deserve a little reward!

I feel like I've been pondering life a lot in the last year. There's so many instances when life deals us crappy cards. Every family has some dysfunction, situation at some point. But I truly believe it's all how you look at it. If God is on your side, if you can put your Faith, your Hopes, your Fears, your Dreams in HIS hands, your life can be your Happy Life! We can't change yesterday, we can only learn from it. I continually ask for His guidance, for Him to lead me, protect me and my family and give me Strength. And HE has done all those things! I heard something the other day in bible study and it made me so sad. There are some groups of poor people that actually pray for the world to end so they don't have to suffer any more. I cannot imagine, living this life on Earth waiting, wishing for it to end. Yes, I know, I do have it good. My basic needs are met, I cannot put myself in their shoes. And for that I'm so thankful!  GOD IS GOOD! And I truly hope I'm doing right here on Earth by God!

Ok, Let's get down to business....I heard the other day on the Today Show. They started a buddy system check. I remind 8 people to schedule their mammograms. I think, from what you have all told me, many of you have scheduled or gotten mammograms because of me. Therefore,
ladies, it's time to get checked, again! Schedule your mammogram today, so what if it hurts. That hurt is nothing-Believe me!! And if you do get diagnosed, if you hear those words, You have Cancer!  Do not be afraid. You'll get through it and you'll come out the other side, happier, stronger and loving life more that you ever thought you could! Sure, it'll put a kink in things for a while, but eventually you'll create a new normal and life will go on! I encourage each of you, no matter what life brings, find your happy place. It's better for your soul, year heart, your family, your everything. Life can be hard, find God and I hope you find peace in your struggles.

Until next time.....

You are in my prayers!