It's been 2 weeks since my last chemo. I'm starting to return to normal. And am loving every minute of it!!! My appetite isn't completely back, but much better. My taste buds are better and I am definitely over the 'fog' of chemo. However, last week, my infection in my left side came back with a vengeance.  Thankfully, I was able to get on the antibiotics within 24 hours. However, I remained in pain the entire weekend. It hasn't completely lessoned either. Hopefully I can make it through the weekend, because next Tuesday Dr. Gordley has to deflate the left side (side of infection). I then have my 'markings' appointment with radiology on Thur. and start radiation on Monday Feb. 9th! And by then my immune system should be working properly and with radiation just maybe the stupid bacteria will be gone for good! For the record, these expanders completely bite!
Beyond the expanders I'm noticing new hair growth!  Yippee!!  Ha Ha, not sure how my body knows I'm not getting any more chemo. But, I am a little excited to dump the hats, although still many, many weeks away. So the hair may be scarce and I know a watched pot won't boil, but there are some stragglers growing up top! And, my eyelashes. I was looking in the mirror yesterday and noticed the light caught an entire row of eyelashes. Extremely short, but spanning my eye lid. I had been getting discouraged because I'd get new dark single eyelash and then they'd be gone as fast as they came. Never really thought a row of blonde eyelashes were there! So, this week, for the first time, in about a month, I actually wore mascara!  It's still very faint, but enough to not look so naked (on my eyes that is). And, finally, I think my nails are starting to change back to normal. Not sure I have written about them, but they were extremely brittle and gross, like a very old person. I've kept them painted so no one could tell. All these little things will one day be normal and I probably won't even remember them. Oh the joys of Chemo!
My final thoughts are to remember, God gives you what you can handle and you can handle more than you know!

Thanks to all of you for the well wishes that you continue to give me!  I'm so thankful for you all!

Love, hugs, & prayers to each of you!!

patti

I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M OFFICIALLY FINISHED WITH CHEMO!  WOW, it still doesn't seem real that I've been through 5 months of chemo, lost all my hair, have no eyelashes, no eyebrows, yet have come through this relatively unscathed. I mean, don't get me wrong, I need a complete detox. My body is screaming at me to get back to exercising, eating healthy and being 'normal!'

Friday was a great day!  I could barely get through the morning or the days leading up to ringing the bell without getting teary eyed. Rob and I got to my treatment on time, as usual. But someone decided it would be funny to run a little late that day! As anxious as I was, I sat in the waiting room for almost 30 minutes before even being called back for my vitals. Once I had my blood pressure, weight and pulse taken, the nurse quickly said HR 90! I said, 'whoa, what?  90? My heart rate!' I'd been sitting in the waiting room forever and my pulse was 90....you think I was excited??

We went back to my room to start treatments. This was the worse room I'd ever had-NO WINDOW! On a gorgeous day as it was, the sun finally out after no telling how many rainy, cold days and I can't see any of it!  OH Well, I left it alone and just sat in my non-window room taking in all the final drugs my body could handle!  As the time passed and I knew some family and a few friends were gathering in the waiting room to watch me ring my bell I was getting a little tired, maybe the excitement was wearing on me. The nurse (who was my 1st nurse & ironically my last), came in, started the last chemo bag and said 1 hour! By this time, Rob decided to go out into the waiting room to see who was there. (Only 1 person is allowed in the treatment areas at a time.) Low and behold, here comes my dad! I haven't seen my dad since Christmas, he's had his treatments, been back and forth to MDAnderson downtown and between our illnesses we don't have the energy to get together. AND, I had just talked to him, he was downtown getting his blood work checked. What a great surprise!!  So we talked and then my phone starts beeping, Rob's sending text messages, "times up!" There was a waiting room full of people waiting to come say hi! My last hour of treatment went rather quickly. And then, the final beep of the IV machine. THAT WAS IT! DONE!  I won't bore you with the details of my final minutes getting our stuff gathered and everyone coming in to see the bell ringing ceremony. Once it was time to ring the bell, I was so darn excited all I wanted to do was ring it and get the heck outta dodge!!! I was emotional, but not nearly as much as I thought I'd be. I WAS JUST SO GLAD TO BE DONE!
There is a picture of those with me that joined in the ringing of the bell.  As we were walking out to my car, I was surprised with all kinds of pink balloons tied to my car!  Thanks HB! We all went to eat burgers and Rob surprised me with a yummy red velvet Nothing Bundt Cake! Lunch was fun and it was so good to eat with friends and family! As we were wrapping up lunch, Rob kept looking at his watch and saying "we've got to go!"  I was a little confused as I knew we had kids to get home from school, but we didn't need 30min. to drive home. Sure enough the surprises didn't end there. As I drove down the street, my yard was covered with more pink balloons, there were decorations hanging from the trees and a huge sign with all the neighbors waiting for me! Thanks so much Vicki for organizing this!! And what do you know, the flowers, the calls, the text messages, the FB messages, etc. have all been so overwhelming. You know it is truly amazing the support, the prayers, and it all really does help you get through this crap!  The surprises didn't end there, Saturday morning when I checked my emails, there was a message from a Galatas (kids school) friend, Julie. Julie went around the school, with a little bell. She had teachers and staff, other parents, & even my kids all ring the bell and saying a few words of encouragement for an awesome video. If I knew how to attach the video I would, it was so wonderful and brought tears to my eyes! Happy tears!  Tears of joy...this is finally behind me! And, yes, I have the bell. Julie dropped it off for me to keep!
This weekend hasn't been so bad. My mom was here with me, Nathan & Emma. As Rob was out of town with Natalie in San Antonio for volleyball. Her team is so supportive. They all wore pink ribbons in their hair to show their support for us!  Thank you!!! And a big shout out to my sister Kristy & Hannah for driving to SA to stay with Natalie Sunday and drive her home Monday (all so Rob can get back to work). It definitely takes a village to not only raise kids, but to raise kids and go through cancer!
I wouldn't say I've been in a horrible funk, it's not the worst weekend I've had on AC. Just blah....ready to move on! I'm ready to feel good again!

I've been blessed beyond words. I've been so fortunate to have the strength of Samson when all his hair was cut. I've had the courage of David to fight Goliath. I've channeled all this inner peace and strength and with the support and encouragement you all have given me, Rob, the kids, it truly has been amazing!!

I cannot begin to thank Rob for everything. When I was first diagnosed, he wanted to hire a full-time, live in nanny. To help with the everyday. I fought him and expressed how unnecessary it was. Thankfully he listened to me and it hasn't been that bad! Sure he's made the bed more, emptied the dishwasher more, but he did it with a smile. He held my hand during everything, he stood tall next to me and supported me in more ways than one. He is my Rock!

Don't think this is the end of my long, drawn out tales....Radiation is about to begin and when that's completed I'll have another surgery to tell y'all all about! And in between all this will be some new floors for my house, a BIG pink party and all kinds of mini-vacations I'm excited to take!

For now....For the next few weeks, time to breath, time to relax, time to focus on the final stage! The big jump off my mountain, the final kick in my race, it's all here. With God lifting me up, with you all beside me I can finish!

I love you all and am so thankful I have you in my life!

Hugs, kisses, prayers.....

It's official, my eyelashes are gone!  Oh well, with a week to go I really don't care!

Last week progressively got better with each passing day. I've learned it takes a good 5-6 days for my appetite to even begin to start working again! On Tuesday of last week (about 5 days after chemo) we were running our typical evening taxi service and decided to grab fast food for dinner. Emma chimed in with a McDonald's plea, and like a light bulb going off in my head, suddenly a BIG MAC sounded absolutely delicious. I can't tell you the last time I had a McD's burger, or anything from there for that matter. So, there I went, ordered me a BIG MAC meal. The fries were ok (since when did they cut back on the salt?-my taste buds love salt these days!), the fountain coke was super yummy and the burger hit the spot. It'd been since the Friday of chemo that I ate anything substantial and my body was so thankful...full fat, calories and all! But, I really don't care, I need strength to carry on! By weeks end I had eaten 3 BIG MAC's and loved every bite!  It was really the only thing my body accepted last week. But as of this week I'm back to eating normal foods, not greasy, fattening burgers!

Today I had my FINAL blood draw, and oncologist appointment. I actually got a little teary eyed pulling into the hospital!  I know I have to have regular check-ups every 3 months for the first few years, and then every 6 months until 5 years. But the weekly appointments are over. I actually met with Dr. Nelson's PA, Bonnie. It was good to talk to her as she explained all the side effects on my uterus and ovaries from the Tamoxifin I'm about to start. I can't see Dr. Nelson explaining all that-although quite capable I'm sure. So, in short I'll explain my day! Remember, I said I'm almost at the top of my mountain, well as of Friday I'll be there. But on Feb. 5 I will take a giant leap off! On Thur., Feb. 5th I will have my official marking session for radiation. I will get tattooed (yes, I will have permanent black marks) were the radiation will target. But before that can happen, Dr. Gordley will have to deflate my left side expander. On Feb. 9th I can get blood work and if my White Blood Cell counts are normal I can get my port removed that week! Also on Feb. 9th I'll start my 6 weeks of radiation. I will go everyday and each session will last about 30 min. That hopefully means I'll be done with radiation by the time the kids are out for Spring Break!  OMG, the light at the end of the tunnel is within sight. Although my final reconstruction surgery won't take place until August sometime. I can see the light!

GOD has been so good to me. He's taken care of us and without jinxing my family, not one of the kids have had as much as a sniffle! And with all our cold, rainy, awful winter I'm so very thankful! Me on the other hand...get this, nose hair-gone, that means a constant drip....yep, those nose hairs are good for something-stop drips!

I can't explain the excitement I have building up for my last chemo on Friday. It's like a family vacation that you're leaving town for, it's like graduation day. It is graduation day! A day of moving on, out with the old and in with the new. I'm excited for my lashes to grow back. And of course my HAIR! I'm excited to not tip toe around germs, around moving too much in my chest (as if not stretching is preventing bacteria growth and another infection in my expander). I'm just flat out, pumped up, excited for Friday!! My chemo appointment is at 10am and without any delays that bell should ring loud and proud sometime around 1-1:15pm. Listen for it, I'm sure you'll hear it, I'm sure you'll feel my tears of joy. I want to Thank you all for lifting me up, holding my hand and getting me through the last 5 months of chemo. Without y'all it would have been a much different path. So without further adieu, ring the bells, sound the horns, not only for me but for each and every person who will ring the 'end of chemo' bell. In the future when I hear a bell ring, it won't be "an Angel getting it's wings," to me it'll be another person has finished chemo.

I saw this bible verse this week and thought it was appropriate. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!" Galatians 6:9

Love, hugs, kisses and prayers to all....

3 down & 1 to GO!  I cannot begin to tell you how emotional that statement is! It brings tears to my eyes to even say I have 1 chemo treatment left! In 2 weeks I'll officially be finished with 5 months of toxins running through my body. I cannot wait to get my body clean from all the nastiness that has been running through my veins!

Christmas was fantastic! The kids, the magic, all the great fun! Then, New Year's Eve rolls around and I started getting pain in my left side again. The swelling followed, again by redness and a slight fever. UGH! By time the neighbors started lighting fireworks on the street and surrounding houses lighting them on the golf courses, our dog going crazy and barking as loud as he could, I was miserable and just wanted to curl up in a little ball, NYE was not longer any fun. Therefore, the first thing I did on New Year's Day, was call Dr. Gordley. He so kindly prescribed antibiotics again, but warned me it is a very real possibility the expander will need to come out. The reason for the removal is because the expander (being a foreign object) is holding onto the bacteria causing my infections. On Friday, Jan. 2nd he drained more fluid. Thankfully as of today, Monday, the fluid has not returned and the antibiotics seem to be working! Let's just hope the infection stays away this time! (I'm tired of popping giant white powdery pills)!

Friday, Jan. 2nd was also my chemo day. Rob took all 3 kids hunting to Freer and my mom came to spend the weekend with me. I will say as great as my mom is and as much as I love her, it's not the same as having Rob at chemo with me. Not that she did or didn't do anything, it just wasn't the same. Therefore I'll say this again and again....I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT ROB!
I'm so thankful he had the chance to take the kids out of town, and let them run free. I'm so glad they got to run around with their cousins, and just be kids. BUT, I'm so glad he and the kids were here every step of the way during my chemo treatments. Saturday was extremely sluggish and I think I slept the majority of the day. As I went to bed that night, I begged God to make Sunday better! And, once again, HE came through. Sunday was much better. As the day went on I realized I was sore from sitting around all day Saturday-ugh! I was so excited when the kids came home, to hear about their trip and their repeated chants of "what happens at the dear lease, stays at the deer lease!" As, empty boxes of nerds candy fall out, uneaten bags of chips that now clutter my pantry and Nathan complaining of a headache, probably because he's having caffeine withdrawals. And of course the loads and loads of laundry that now line my laundry room floor.

Thank goodness today, Monday is a no school day!!  The poor kids slept all morning! And, I feel a little bit blah....I'm tired of not wanting to eat, but hungry. I'm tired of wanting to exercise, seeing all the New Year's 'get back in shape' deals, and not being able to work out and feel like my old self. I'm tired of not scooping the kids up and just saying 'get in the car,' and taking them somewhere. I'm tired of wearing a hat because of my cold, bald head. I'm tired of my chest hurting and wondering if reconstruction is worth the pain. I'm tired of chemo, I'm tired of the port, I'm tired of the medicines, I'm tired of my tongue feeling funny, I'm tired of it all. OK, there I said it...That's my pity party. I'm ready to be done and maybe I'm ready because I can see the end....in less than 2 weeks I'll be done...finished....!

Tomorrow starts a new day, I can take the kids to school, and get back into a routine. Instead of thinking about every Friday being a treatment day, I only have 1 day. Radiation will come but at least I'm not putting toxins in my body. I'll start to plan my final reconstruction surgery. I am almost at the top of my mountain, and I'm ready to take my giant step off....I'm ready for the future, the New Year and being cancer free!

I thank GOD for the strength to finish this journey. I try to think of all the other cancer patients out there and the battles that still face them. I will honestly say, cancer sucks, it bites, it's awful, and who ever has had to go through it is definitely a warrior like no other. I'm not patting myself on the back, because if you ask me on a good day, I'll tell you my journey wasn't so bad. It could've been worse, I've been lucky, I've been blessed! And not only do I thank GOD for my blessings, but I thank you all for supporting me and giving me strength to fight each day. I just have to tell myself to Have Faith! Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of the things not seen. Hebrew 11:1
Faith in the future, Faith my normal life will return, Faith in GOD!

Hugs, prayers, and love to you all....

**My dad went into the hospital Christmas night after having a fever. He's been there ever since. He started treatments for Aplastic Anemia and will go home today. He will continue to have blood drawn and weekly transfusions until we know the treatments for the AA has worked. Thanks for keeping him in your prayers as well....this journey has been difficult for him and Linda! But once again a shout out to the wonderful Dr.'s at MDA!!