Here we go again, I know I've said this before, but...I've learned that once you have breast cancer, nothing every really is easy. Just when you think you've done it all and are finished, you really are not. I knew going into the last surgery (if you will recall, it was a very spur of the moment, last minute, need to be done kind of thing), that there was a possibility I would still need another surgery. So, here I am, 5 months out from radiation and having problems. I was told recovery from radiation takes 6 months. Which is why the original reconstruction surgery was suppose to be in September. The problems I'm experiencing are extreme tightening, slight redness in the skin, a pulling of the muscle/implant, stiffness, etc. I have developed a stretching routine and I do it twice daily, it usually lasts about 5-10 minutes. This is me laying on the floor, stretching my arms out to my side (think crucifixion style) and up over my head-OUCH!!! I do forward arm swings, back arm swings, up-down-side-front-back, whatever you can do with your arm, I do. TWICE a day!  It hurts real bad and then relaxes a bit and within minutes my chest is back to the stiffness it was before I stretched. This is common and the doctors have assured me it's good to do all the stretching, however it doesn't really change the damage the radiation caused and it can't be prevented. There is really nothing I could have or can do that will change any of it. Which led me to call Dr. Gordley last week and make an appointment. Who wants to admit defeat, who wants to admit they are not successful. Of course he greeted me with a smile and wanted to see what was going on. He told me the implant looks fine, however the skin & muscle are tightening around it, slightly lifting it up. Of course it's causing pain and what not. The question then becomes, will it get better, worse or stay the same? Here is the dilemma I face and what am I going to do about it. Going into the appointment today, God kept me calm and I knew in my heart what I had to agree to. I know the outcome. And I am ok with it. God once again reassured me. Sometimes our prayers don't get answered the way we ask or the way we want them to, but we are given the 'it's going to be ok' feeling. Dr. Gordley talked to me a good while and even pulled out some pictures. I never wanted to have a tummy tuck, I don't want to be cut hip bone to hip bone. Granted, sure, I'd love to have a flat stomach, but not like this. In the last couple of days, I became ok with it. I can live with pain, I can live with stretching, but there's a possibility it will get worse and then I'm stuck dealing with an emergency type situation. Dr. Gordley also told me once I have this surgery, the pain, the tightness, all of it will just about go away. This way, I will be able to really, finally move on. No more sitting around waiting to see if the implant is going to be rejected, no more stretching daily for no relief.
So, here's what is all involved. My surgery will be about 5-6 hours (yikes-he assured me I'd do fine). The recovery is roughly 6-8 weeks of lifting nothing heavier than a gallon of milk. He would take out the implant (the good news is the muscle contracture has caused the skin to stretch more and that's needed for surgery), and use my tummy fat to rebuild the left side (yes, I've gained a few lbs.-and now don't need to worry about losing it-welcome back BLUE BELL). The muscle currently is on top of the implant, which is why it's squeezing so bad, the muscle would lay flat against my chest wall and the fat would be on top of it. If my skin looks good during surgery he won't need to use my stomach skin. However, all this said, I will be having a tummy tuck, yes that means pulling the skin down, relocating the belly button (I like mine! I saw pictures, his re-do belly buttons look really good), and getting rid of every ounce of fat I have on my stomach!  WOOHOO- NOT!
I haven't really talked about dates with Rob (because this all just happened this am and he's busy at work), but, maybe sometime early November. Dr. Gordley said no hurry, I asked what that meant and he said within a few months. If I wait longer than that, the Spring schedule is absolutely crazy. This way I'll be good for Thanksgiving and Christmas. (Wishful thinking). Dr. Gordley said after a mastectomy, expanders and even c-sections, this won't be THAT bad. Most women fair really well. My hospital stay will be about 4 days, 3 of those in ICU. Not because I need it, he said because he likes the hourly nurse care. I can't express how bad I can't stand surgery, but here I am facing my 3rd one within 18 months.
I've come to realize living like this isn't fun, eventually the pain, discomfort, etc. would bring me down, it'd take me down paths I'm not willing to travel. So, I will once again put my Faith in God and know this is what has to be done. The tattooing will go on as planned, just not as soon as expected. Hopefully by late Spring or early Summer.
I've met so many people that are dealing with breast cancer and I know the paths they are on. I honestly can say, I'm slowly starting to forget about chemo, I'm slowly starting to realize last year was truly just a blink and will soon be a distant memory. This is one crazy journey and one crazy life experience that was not on the bucket list. I am stronger, my secure and love life more because of it. God helped carry me through it all and he will continue to do so.

For now....

love, hugs and prayers....

I can't believe it's been a year...yes, that's right! Exactly 1 year ago today I had surgery to remove my cancer. I'm so thankful I get to say those words. What a difference a year makes, I'm just about back to normal. I should say my 'new' normal. I'm still working on the tightness in my left side, chest and arm. I still can't sleep, or lay for any length of time on my left side. My arm still gets tired when I run longer than a mile, and the list could go on. However, for all intents and purposes, I am back to my old self. Well, let's think about that for a moment. No, I'm not my old self. I may think I am, but today I AM A 1 YR. CANCER SURVIVOR. What am I going to do today to celebrate...nothing, absolutely nothing. Today, I'm going to count my blessings and be thankful that I am here, as I should each and every day. To most people, a survivor means you are alive. And, yes, it does. But let me tell you what being a survivor means to me. Being a survivor is going to countless doctors appointments and lending yourself over to the doctors to 'cure' you. Being a survivor is watching your husband aimlessly scribble down information your doctor is saying while tears fall down his face because you are being told 'you have cancer!'  Being a survivor is calling friends, family, your mom, your dad and looking in your children's eyes telling them 'you have cancer!' Being a survivor is turning to your priest/pastor, and asking to help you and your family. Being a survivor is calling on the one and only GOD to pick you up, to hold your hand, to walk this walk with you, to put all you know, all you believe, all you feel, your entire being in his hands and to absolutely, without any shadow of a doubt, believe he will heal you, to HAVE FAITH. Being a survivor is getting up each morning, getting dressed, making lunches, getting kids to school. And then taking it easy all day, when that is not your 'normal' behavior. Being a survivor is putting poison in your body, getting burned by machines, having needles poked in your body, losing your hair, growing it back, talking to strangers, letting others help you, letting others feed your family, saying No to countless volunteer jobs at your children's schools, volunteering when you can, attending your children's practices, games and what not to show them 'you are still you.' Being a survivor is getting up each and every day to say, Thank you! Thank you for letting me still be here. Thank you, because life is short and why should I worry about the future, nothing I can do to change it, nothing I can do but count my blessings and be thankful for each and everyday. Being a survivor can mean so many things, so when you hear those words from all the 'survivors' out there, think for a moment about your own life and slow down. Life is short, life is precious, life can be gone in a blink of an eye. We are not guaranteed a future, but as long as we know who has the future, as long as we HAVE FAITH, as long as we can live with our hearts full of God's unending, everlasting love we will be fulfilled.

Monday I had a checkup with my oncologist, Dr. Nelson. My blood work came back all good and I've been clear for another 6 months!  I never imagined I'd be told anything other than 'all clear.' However, I let my fears run amuck. Yep, I did....and wouldn't you know it, 2 things I read that morning while in the waiting room turned those fears around.

      ****"Fear loses its power when we actively trust God more than what we fear."****
and then this prayer:  

Dear God, Help me walk through my fears by facing them instead of being paralyzed by them. I want to take Your hand and trust Your heart with all that is within me. Give me courage today to take the first step. In Jesus' name Amen!

Isn't it amazing how God knows just when we need Him, how He can interject and put words in front of us! I can't live with fear, it is what it is and I need to enjoy each day alive and well.

Being a survivor is having courage to face the devil and tell him NO, you won't fall victim to his flaming arrows, his worries, his insecurities, his fear. But standing up, asking Jesus to guide you along and believing in the future of a life with Him in your heart and knowing one day you will meet Him in Heaven to rejoice the life you had.

Being a survivor can mean so many different things to so many different people. Let's continue to celebrate each day, be thankful for what you have, don't lose sight of God and know he's the ONLY one that can fulfill us.

I ask for your continued prayers. Especially for all those that are diagnosed with cancer, those that have been told their lives will be cut short.

Love, hugs and prayers.....

In the last 2 weeks I've had 2 appointments, 1 with my Dr. Gordley (plastic surgeon) and the other was my 6 month check up with Dr. Fitzsullivan (my breast cancer surgeon). First things first. Dr. Gordley. When I saw him about 1 week post op back in May he said, "see you in 6 weeks for nipple reconstruction!" WHAT?? I wasn't going to do that. I told him I was unsure of the nipple reconstruction, that I had just considered the nipple tattooing. He began to explain that the 3-D (that's what they call it) isn't really all it's cracked up to be. It may look real in pictures on the computer, but in person if you aren't looking straight on, it doesn't look that real. But he really expressed how important it was to 'do something!'  Not just leave my breast with the simple scars. After thinking about it, I totally agree. Passing by the mirror in the bathroom, showering, etc. and constantly seeing that I'm not 100% normal can wear on your brain after a while. BUT, seeing, even if it's a tattoo, will play tricks on your brain and make you somewhat forget! Upon leaving Dr. Gordley, we scheduled a 4 week visit to further discuss my plans. For a while, I thought, ok, fine-he suggested it, so I guess I'll do the nipple reconstruction. It's an in office visit, the skin is snipped and folded and made into a bump. (google it if you want more visual-hard to imagine in your mind). Then the more I began to think, the more I began to really think I don't forever want to have my high beams on (if you know what I mean). After all, I can get away without a padded bra now, even go braless if I so choose. Why would I want something sticking out 24/7...right?  So now what? As I approached the week leading up to my visit with Dr. Gordley I started thinking, talking, investigating what to do. I had previously talked with another breast cancer friend back in the Spring and she mentioned a name, a tattoo artist, Vinnie Myers. He's based out of Baltimore but goes to New Orleans for nipple tattooing. I brushed this off at the time as I wasn't in a position to make any decisions about it. Fast Forward to my week prior to my dr. visit. 

On Monday, I just so happen to bring it up to this same friend and she sent me the link to look up (google Vinnie Myers nipple tattooing). I spent several hours looking at every picture he had online, reading all about him, etc. He was your typical tattoo artist, but dons a bowler hat, seersucker suits and wing tip shoes. One day he was asked to do a nipple tattoo and realized he had so many more options in the tattoo industry than those in the reconstruction business. He knew how to mix colors to make things look more real. Because we all are different in all ways. He'd gotten so busy with nipple tattooing that he wasn't able to do what he really enjoyed and that was good ole fashion tattoos. So he decided to hang it up. He says, "30 minutes after I told my staff no more, my sister called saying she was diagnosed with breast cancer." And there you have it, he strictly does nipple tattooing. bHis shop in Baltimore is busy, and he comes to a breast reconstruction facility in New Orleans. He has several others working for him in the nipple tattooing area, and they travel all around the country, however, upon seeing Vinnie's tattoos why go to anyone else? They look AMAZING. After my own research, I was still up in the air and didn't make any firm decisions. After all, he doesn't bill insurance, you pay cash and then can submit for reimbursement, hopefully. (about $1000 for tattooing). 

The next day, Tuesday, I spoke with another person (no names here), and she really suggested I look more into the tattooing vs. the reconstruction, but highly suggested to 'do something!' She promised to do some of her own research and get back with me. By Wednesday, my mom called saying she was reading ELLE magazine at the nail saloon and said there was an article in there about nipple tattooing after cancer. I told her about my research on Vinnie and she really thought this article was about him. (she went back to the saloon and asked them if she could have this magazine as it wasn't on the store shelves anymore). Sure enough this article was all about Vinnie!! By Thursday, my no name source got back to me and said 2 people with good insight, highly suggested the nipple tattooing and yes, you guessed it, both people mentioned Vinnie. I took these 4 days with hearing Vinnie's name as a sign. I decided I wanted a 'VINNIE!' I called the Baltimore office and they are booked through 2015 and sometime this summer will open their 2016 calendar. I don't really want to go to Baltimore so I decided to call the breast reconstruction center in New Orleans and talk to them. They are also booked through 2015 and told me to call back in September for booking in 2016. WOW, Now I really have time to think about it and make sure it's really what I want. Vinnie does like to wait 5-6 months after your final surgery before he tattoo's. He likes to wait because apparently the skin can shrink up somewhat, the implants need to settle, etc. ***Please don't worry, I won't be in any normal tattoo pain, I'm still numb in and around all over my breasts & armpit, so I won't feel a thing.***

And now comes my appointment with Dr. Gordley. I'm nervous as I don't like to tell people 'no thanks, I'm not doing what you suggest.' He once again asked me about the reconstruction and I went ahead with telling him I'd go see this Vinnie guy. Dr. Gordley proceeded to tell me he has always wanted to bring in a tattoo artist that does nipple tattooing and let him learn with better tools, colors, etc. (Dr. Gordley does aerola tattooing, but never nipple 3-D). He offered to bring in this person and let me participate. WOW, what a great offer. But, then again, I haven't seen this other persons work, I don't want it too look bad, I want the BEST. So, as of now, I'm going to get a 'Vinnie' and be done with all this once and for all.

Upon leaving Dr. Gordley, he said come back in a year!  OMG, I've seen him almost weekly for an entire year, I've seen him more than any other dr. during this journey. What a bitter sweet ending!  (I immediately went and ordered an edible arrangement for his office to thank them!).

And for my 2nd appointment, I saw Dr. Fitzsullivan for a 6th month check up. I won't bore you with details, nurse assessments, talking to the PA, etc. (although the PA asked me what I was going to do about my nipples. I told her I was going to get a 'Vinnie' and she smiled and said great choice)!!!  Dr. Fitzsullivan came in, examined me. We talked about small things, family, radiation, etc. I asked about my left armpit (where my lymph node scar is) and this weird feeling I have. She said it was scar tissue and that I could massage it to break it up. It has such a weird feeling, and has for 9 months now. I told her I feel like my skin, my fat, muscle, whatever is hanging over this weird area. She proceeded to smile and say, 'this is nothing, I should see really large women.' They have huge flaps hanging over. But, rubbing, massaging, etc. will make it go away. I've been doing just that and, wow, what a difference a week makes!  It's getting better each day. I left Dr. Fitzsullivan with a clean bill of health, expecting nothing else but that. I later got an email appointment notification from MDAnderson saying my next appointment with her was in 1 year. I'm now on a yearly visit with my plastic surgeon, my radiologist, my breast surgeon, & my obgyn. I do have to see my oncologist every 4 months for bloodwork and more exams. But, I'll happily see anyone that will tell me I'm healthy. WOW, this year is really over. It's done, I'm all finished (I won't count the tattooing, as going to New Orleans is going to be fun). 

Upon writing this, I do have 2 friends fighting for their lives!  One is Breast Cancer, metastasized. The other is another cancer, very serious. This cancer crap really sucks. I know we all say it, we all mean it. But when you've been there and you think about the worse case scenario, you think about your family, your life, etc. It overwhelms you. It overwhelms your brain every time you hear the word. It doesn't discriminate. For all these innocent people, children, etc. I pray. And I ask you pray too.

I have another visit with Dr. Nelson (my oncologist) in August and will report after that, if not before. 

I also have been hearing more and more about Breast Cancer Awareness month in October. (as I'm having meetings, & planning for my children's sports in the Fall, this topic has come up). Last Oct. was pretty meaningful. I was knee deep in Chemo with a long road ahead of me. This year will be so different, and I can already feel the overwhelming sense of emotion. I will have celebrated 1 year of being a survivor. And that makes me dig deep and think about what being a survivor means. I'm sure over the next few months I will have many emotions, thoughts and talks with God. Stay tuned...

Please continue to pray for all the innocent people out there who have been afflicted with cancer. And I pray for you as well.

Thank you, love, hugs and prayers! HVE FTH!

I've been doing a lot of thinking this last week. More or less reliving the past year. A year ago, almost to the day (June 25th) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This past week a year ago I was having a biopsy and pretty much confirming my suspicions of cancer. To say my emotions are getting the best me is an understatement. My memory, my emotions of my journey are coming back like a flood of water breaching a dam. I've been uptight, emotional, short tempered, and simply not very happy. This is not where I want to be, this is not how I want to live. I don't want to recall the day I was diagnosed every year and be depressed. June is suppose to be a happy time. Kids are out of school, summer is here and it's suppose to be a time to enjoy my family. I've forgotten what I preached for so many days last year. I've forgotten that GOD is on my side, don't get me wrong, I know he's on my side. What I simply mean is I've let my negative thoughts get to me. I know God doesn't want us to be sad, he doesn't want us to feel negative emotions. Therefore, I'm choosing to forget. I'm choosing to not recall, or remember the day I was diagnosed with cancer. I'm grabbing a hold of God and asking him to help me forget, help me move on with the happy memory of hearing those words "you no longer have cancer!" And the day was August 14th. I had just had my mastectomy on Aug. 12th and on the 14th they went back in to remove my lymph nodes. I was cancer free after the 12th, but the all clear was given to me on the 14th! Therefore, I'll go ahead and let the celebration drag out for 2 days. Why not, in my family that's what we do, we drag things out! Especially celebrations!

Looking back and rereading my first post, I read the words "Cancer doesn't have me, I have cancer."  (Thanks Lisa!) If I continue to let these emotions get to me, I'm letting cancer have me. AND that is not me, that is not what I've fought for this last year. My cancer is just a small chapter in my life and its the chapter I want to spend the least amount of time on.

I've grown closer to some amazing friends this year. I've met new cancer friends and unfortunately several of my friends have been diagnosed as well this year. I've even lost a good friend to this disease. And for that I'm even more sad. But like I said earlier I CANNOT let the negativity get to me! And this year, even more so than ever I need to surround myself with happy people, people that think like me, people that make me laugh and make me want to be a better person. I need to forget about the past and focus on the future. Unfortunately I'm in this little club of being a SURVIVOR. It's hard to verbally draw attention to myself. I don't like the spotlight on me, but I do like speaking about it for awareness sake. I like talking about it for those that might be scared. Those that might not want to get a mammogram. I like making a difference in someone else's attitude. Life is too short to let the small, negative things get to you. Life is Good! I have so many things to be thankful for, so many things to be happy for. And I love sharing my attitude.

I want to thank so many of you for holding my hand this past year. So many of you literally helped me fight! All the little notes, cards, texts, etc. I cannot express enough how those simple little things motivated me each and every day. I want to especially give thanks to my high school friends, Melissa, Hollis, Tanessa, Lisa, Marcy and Michele. Each and every week of chemo I got something special from them. Every major hurdle I jumped they were there. I've been friends with these ladies (I'd like to say girls, but at 42 I better upgrade my description) for over 30 years. They came from all over Texas to visit me after surgery, they threw me an amazing pink party just a few weeks ago. I cannot say thank you enough!

So, for this week, I will let it pass by just as I have most every week this past year. I will enjoy my summer, look forward to our summer vacation in Rosemary Beach, FL in August and then I'll celebrate 1 YR. of being cancer free!  For now, I continue to have dr.'s appt., continue to take my Tamoxifin daily (and yes, get hot flashes periodically)! I'll try to look at my daily reminders of this past year with minimally effect on my life. I will focus on my LIFE!

Enjoy your family, your kids, time off from work & school. Celebrate each day, be thankful, look at God's beauty all around us. Don't focus on the negative, but find positive, happy thoughts in all you do!  If you don't like something, change it. Live each day as if it were your last. You never know what tomorrow holds! And above all....HAVE FAITH!

Hugs, Prayers, & love to you all.....

patti

Reality is finally starting to set in. I AM DONE...not just done with treatments, but done with EVERYTHING! No more treatments, no more surgeries, nothing, nodda, nill! And for that I'm so thrilled.  So thrilled that I woke up at 4am thinking about all I'd been through in the last year and that it is all over with.  Just about exactly a year ago I had my annual mammogram at 41 years old. I won't rehash it all but will give a brief overview of our year. In June, I was officially diagnosed with Stage 1 invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. In August our family went to Hawaii for an amazing vacation. We felt an earthquake, saw the volcano and prepared for a defunked hurricane. Two days after returning home I had a double mastectomy and 2 days after the mastectomy I had 18 lymph nodes removed, thus making my cancer a stage 2A. By September I started chemo, lost my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. I finished chemo at the end of January. In February, I started 6 weeks of daily radiation and was finished by the end of March. And yesterday I had my reconstruction surgery that thankfully consisted of only taking out my expanders and putting implants in. (If I have complications-may take up to several years to know this, I'd have to have another surgery to use body fat, skin and muscle to reconstruct my boobs!) The pain I feel from the surgery today is nothing compared to the pain and constant (10 months worth) and uncomfortableness of the expanders. I feel as though I've done about 1000 push-ups. I'll take muscle soreness any day. I can actually lay on my side, which I haven't done since August. The implants look so completely natural compared to the expanders. As a friend says, the expanders are like turtle shells, so true, Imagine 2 turtle shells under your skin! And through all my treatments my dad was undergoing his own battle of winning against his Aplastic Anemia diagnosis and treatment.
During this last year I turned 42, Rob gained a year as well, we celebrated 14 years of marriage, and each kid celebrated a birthday. Natalie is now 12, Nathan 10 and Emma 7. We went on as normal this year, we had birthday parties, family gatherings, and celebrated holidays as normal. We didn't have any setbacks. I'd like to honestly say this year was just a change in the normal we knew and next year will be another adjustment learning a new normal.

Life goes on, I've gained some amazing friends, grown closer to those I already knew and through all this I've had 2 friends diagnosed with breast cancer and just met another girl that has just been through all this (minus chemo and radiation).  2 of this 3 ladies had stage 0 cancer....you say WHAT?  That means they were diagnosed extremely early from a mammogram, so early that is most likely was non-invasive ductal carcinoma. And the treatments they need are simply a mastectomy-no chemo, no radiation. People, I can't tell you how important mammograms are. And if in doubt about the age you should get one, 40 for sure. If your younger and feel the need, insist!  I know 4 people alone that were diagnosed before 40. And, if you're in doubt, a mammogram feels much better than cancer! Think about that one for a moment.

This last year was amazing. I say that because I know God got me through this, I saw his miracle daily, in everything I did, I could see it. Once again, without rewriting every verse I've posted, I'm going to give a brief overview of every word that I hung on to. Every word written from the Bible.
Each of these quotes, when thought about, when believed, when known deep down in your very soul will lift you, carry you, give you peace, strength and security to know that you are given hope, hope for a future that is prosperous and fulfilling. To know and Love God is absolutely amazing and if you aren't there yet and you worry about things, sink your soul into these words. Trust him with all your might, your every being and you will be rewarded!

Thanks again for all your amazing, wonderful prayers, thoughts, cards, calls, gifts, messages, thanks for it all! I cannot explain how I have felt you in every step I took this year.  I've said it before, I'll say it again, It takes a village to fight cancer!

Love you all.....

"My grace is enough to cover and sustain you...for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, Plans to give you hope and a future...I will give you rest...But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, they will soar high on wings like Eagles...Trust in the Lord, be mindful of him...If you have Faith the size of a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you...Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of the things not seen..Trust God all the time...Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go...have no fear of bad news...trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely...The Lord says “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”

Things have been all quiet on the home front, until now!  I went to see Dr. Gordley today as I was suppose to check in last week and put it off because he was going to expand a little bit more (to give me more skin to work with during reconstruction) but I'd been in a little bit more pain that usual. So, I waited until this week.  As per usual, he greets me and says 'let's see what's going on?'  Usually there's nothing and he simply states all is good. But today was different. There's one small area that is extremely thin on the under side of my radiated expander. The skin has always been thin here, always been discolored and was the area where my infections always occurred. He actually told me the expander is trying to break through the skin.  AGH! There were several options he could choose. 1) expand a little more, hoping to get rid of the little wrinkle there, 2) take out some fluid to let the wrinkle fade, both of these he didn't like because both had the possibilities for opposite reactions. And then finally, he could remove them and put in my implants. He thought, looked, talked, thought some more and finally said, we need to remove these-NOW! This week!  WHAT????  Surgery, this week?  But, nothing is planned out, my schedule is set...HA HA, nope, I've learned I'm not in control, not with cancer. I said, sure, my schedule is flexible. I'm good with that!  So there it is, Thursday 8am I will have my expanders removed and implants put in. The hope is the implants (which are way softer) will allow for the skin to fully heal and that thin part to get thicker. If this doesn't happen over time or I'm not happy with things, then we will go in and have to use belly fat, belly skin, back flap (use the back muscle-ugh), whatever to make things right. Anyway, the surgery on Thurs. will last about 45 minutes and is an outpatient procedure!  WooHoo!
So, of course my mind is going 100mph simply because I have more questions than answers and because it all has happened so fast. I guess this is normal! Not to worry, not to fear, it's all in God's hands and it'll all work out for the best. I was just saying to Rob last night that I'm tired of being in pain. Well, I guess God heard me and Dr. Gordley assured me this would all be better afterwards than what I'm feeling now.
After I ran a few errands I knew I needed to get to church and Fr. Tom was so graciously in his office and anointed me and said a prayer!  So glad to have him, my church, my family and friends....Just a few more prayers are needed that surgery goes good and I'm back to normal much sooner than I hope!

Thanks again for all the support and prayers.

Not much to post here....Life is getting back to normal!!  YIPPEEE!!  I've been to my plastic surgeon several times to re-expand (ouch), and to my radiation follow-up (all is normal-come back in a year! skin looks great!), and finally this week to my oncologist. Again, all is normal my blood work is perfect, skin looks great (everyone keeps saying that-yea!!), and I don't have to go back until 4 months!!!  Woohoo!

I write today with a heavy heart.  One of my friends is losing her battle with cancer. Cancer is everywhere and its apart of all our lives, someone, somewhere is fighting. We all fight, we all pray, we support those that are fighting. It's not what you deal with, but how you deal with it. I choose to pray and lean hard on God. He got me through this, He is still getting me through this. He is who I turn to for EVERYTHING! I honestly can't say I pray enough. I always want to pray more, I soak it up and it is amazing. I think sometimes I'm just in prayer throughout the entire day. I'd like to say I'm a better person because of cancer. Isn't that what we all strive for in life, to be better, to get to the Kingdom of Heaven a better person? I'd like to say I'm much more appreciative of every single day. Each day is a gift, a gift that we get to spend with our children, our spouses, our friends & family. I sometimes wish we didn't have school, work, etc. so we can just hang out and enjoy each other. Hug the ones you love more, reach out to the ones you love more, don't hold back for you never know what tomorrow may bring. Live each day as if it were your last, but wake up tomorrow thankful for you've been given. Hold on to those you love, smile more, be happy more, love more and pray often. 

Until next time my friends, thank you for my life, it truly is a blessing from GOD!!! And for that I AM THANKFUL!

love, hugs and prayers....