I've been doing a lot of thinking this last week. More or less reliving the past year. A year ago, almost to the day (June 25th) I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This past week a year ago I was having a biopsy and pretty much confirming my suspicions of cancer. To say my emotions are getting the best me is an understatement. My memory, my emotions of my journey are coming back like a flood of water breaching a dam. I've been uptight, emotional, short tempered, and simply not very happy. This is not where I want to be, this is not how I want to live. I don't want to recall the day I was diagnosed every year and be depressed. June is suppose to be a happy time. Kids are out of school, summer is here and it's suppose to be a time to enjoy my family. I've forgotten what I preached for so many days last year. I've forgotten that GOD is on my side, don't get me wrong, I know he's on my side. What I simply mean is I've let my negative thoughts get to me. I know God doesn't want us to be sad, he doesn't want us to feel negative emotions. Therefore, I'm choosing to forget. I'm choosing to not recall, or remember the day I was diagnosed with cancer. I'm grabbing a hold of God and asking him to help me forget, help me move on with the happy memory of hearing those words "you no longer have cancer!" And the day was August 14th. I had just had my mastectomy on Aug. 12th and on the 14th they went back in to remove my lymph nodes. I was cancer free after the 12th, but the all clear was given to me on the 14th! Therefore, I'll go ahead and let the celebration drag out for 2 days. Why not, in my family that's what we do, we drag things out! Especially celebrations!

Looking back and rereading my first post, I read the words "Cancer doesn't have me, I have cancer."  (Thanks Lisa!) If I continue to let these emotions get to me, I'm letting cancer have me. AND that is not me, that is not what I've fought for this last year. My cancer is just a small chapter in my life and its the chapter I want to spend the least amount of time on.

I've grown closer to some amazing friends this year. I've met new cancer friends and unfortunately several of my friends have been diagnosed as well this year. I've even lost a good friend to this disease. And for that I'm even more sad. But like I said earlier I CANNOT let the negativity get to me! And this year, even more so than ever I need to surround myself with happy people, people that think like me, people that make me laugh and make me want to be a better person. I need to forget about the past and focus on the future. Unfortunately I'm in this little club of being a SURVIVOR. It's hard to verbally draw attention to myself. I don't like the spotlight on me, but I do like speaking about it for awareness sake. I like talking about it for those that might be scared. Those that might not want to get a mammogram. I like making a difference in someone else's attitude. Life is too short to let the small, negative things get to you. Life is Good! I have so many things to be thankful for, so many things to be happy for. And I love sharing my attitude.

I want to thank so many of you for holding my hand this past year. So many of you literally helped me fight! All the little notes, cards, texts, etc. I cannot express enough how those simple little things motivated me each and every day. I want to especially give thanks to my high school friends, Melissa, Hollis, Tanessa, Lisa, Marcy and Michele. Each and every week of chemo I got something special from them. Every major hurdle I jumped they were there. I've been friends with these ladies (I'd like to say girls, but at 42 I better upgrade my description) for over 30 years. They came from all over Texas to visit me after surgery, they threw me an amazing pink party just a few weeks ago. I cannot say thank you enough!

So, for this week, I will let it pass by just as I have most every week this past year. I will enjoy my summer, look forward to our summer vacation in Rosemary Beach, FL in August and then I'll celebrate 1 YR. of being cancer free!  For now, I continue to have dr.'s appt., continue to take my Tamoxifin daily (and yes, get hot flashes periodically)! I'll try to look at my daily reminders of this past year with minimally effect on my life. I will focus on my LIFE!

Enjoy your family, your kids, time off from work & school. Celebrate each day, be thankful, look at God's beauty all around us. Don't focus on the negative, but find positive, happy thoughts in all you do!  If you don't like something, change it. Live each day as if it were your last. You never know what tomorrow holds! And above all....HAVE FAITH!

Hugs, Prayers, & love to you all.....

patti