I can't believe it's been a year...yes, that's right! Exactly 1 year ago today I had surgery to remove my cancer. I'm so thankful I get to say those words. What a difference a year makes, I'm just about back to normal. I should say my 'new' normal. I'm still working on the tightness in my left side, chest and arm. I still can't sleep, or lay for any length of time on my left side. My arm still gets tired when I run longer than a mile, and the list could go on. However, for all intents and purposes, I am back to my old self. Well, let's think about that for a moment. No, I'm not my old self. I may think I am, but today I AM A 1 YR. CANCER SURVIVOR. What am I going to do today to celebrate...nothing, absolutely nothing. Today, I'm going to count my blessings and be thankful that I am here, as I should each and every day. To most people, a survivor means you are alive. And, yes, it does. But let me tell you what being a survivor means to me. Being a survivor is going to countless doctors appointments and lending yourself over to the doctors to 'cure' you. Being a survivor is watching your husband aimlessly scribble down information your doctor is saying while tears fall down his face because you are being told 'you have cancer!'  Being a survivor is calling friends, family, your mom, your dad and looking in your children's eyes telling them 'you have cancer!' Being a survivor is turning to your priest/pastor, and asking to help you and your family. Being a survivor is calling on the one and only GOD to pick you up, to hold your hand, to walk this walk with you, to put all you know, all you believe, all you feel, your entire being in his hands and to absolutely, without any shadow of a doubt, believe he will heal you, to HAVE FAITH. Being a survivor is getting up each morning, getting dressed, making lunches, getting kids to school. And then taking it easy all day, when that is not your 'normal' behavior. Being a survivor is putting poison in your body, getting burned by machines, having needles poked in your body, losing your hair, growing it back, talking to strangers, letting others help you, letting others feed your family, saying No to countless volunteer jobs at your children's schools, volunteering when you can, attending your children's practices, games and what not to show them 'you are still you.' Being a survivor is getting up each and every day to say, Thank you! Thank you for letting me still be here. Thank you, because life is short and why should I worry about the future, nothing I can do to change it, nothing I can do but count my blessings and be thankful for each and everyday. Being a survivor can mean so many things, so when you hear those words from all the 'survivors' out there, think for a moment about your own life and slow down. Life is short, life is precious, life can be gone in a blink of an eye. We are not guaranteed a future, but as long as we know who has the future, as long as we HAVE FAITH, as long as we can live with our hearts full of God's unending, everlasting love we will be fulfilled.

Monday I had a checkup with my oncologist, Dr. Nelson. My blood work came back all good and I've been clear for another 6 months!  I never imagined I'd be told anything other than 'all clear.' However, I let my fears run amuck. Yep, I did....and wouldn't you know it, 2 things I read that morning while in the waiting room turned those fears around.

      ****"Fear loses its power when we actively trust God more than what we fear."****
and then this prayer:  

Dear God, Help me walk through my fears by facing them instead of being paralyzed by them. I want to take Your hand and trust Your heart with all that is within me. Give me courage today to take the first step. In Jesus' name Amen!

Isn't it amazing how God knows just when we need Him, how He can interject and put words in front of us! I can't live with fear, it is what it is and I need to enjoy each day alive and well.

Being a survivor is having courage to face the devil and tell him NO, you won't fall victim to his flaming arrows, his worries, his insecurities, his fear. But standing up, asking Jesus to guide you along and believing in the future of a life with Him in your heart and knowing one day you will meet Him in Heaven to rejoice the life you had.

Being a survivor can mean so many different things to so many different people. Let's continue to celebrate each day, be thankful for what you have, don't lose sight of God and know he's the ONLY one that can fulfill us.

I ask for your continued prayers. Especially for all those that are diagnosed with cancer, those that have been told their lives will be cut short.

Love, hugs and prayers.....