To put it lightly, these expanders suck!! Filling them, even if only 60cc, has been the most painful thing I've encountered to date! And Advil, even prescription strength 800mg, didn't work. So, I broke out the Hydrocodone again and am happily taking ½ pill as needed. It's not making the pain go away, just bearable. To my guess the pain is coming from my raw ribs, raw muscles, raw everything and a stupid expander on top of it all! Needless to say I'm going to ask Dr. Gordley to avoid filling them next week to allow a little more healing time. I have found if I push hard on top of the expanders and even placing ice packs on top make it feel better as well. And even though I can't feel my skin and the cold ice packs, they still work!
Today I met with Dr. Nelson and his nurse Candy. Dr. Nelson is my oncologist who is responsible for my chemotherapy regimen. He started off with saying the radiation is still up in the air and once I meet with the radiologist I'll know more (that appt. is Sept. 16). Radiation is recommended to people with 3 or more positive nodes, but 1-3 is a grey area. I had 1 completely positive node and he said the other was just metastasizing. (This is where the risk my outweigh the benefits). If radiation is recommended it will start once I'm finished with Chemo. So, onto the chemo diagnosis. I will start chemo on Sept. 12 (as long as my drains are out). I will have chemo weekly for 12 weeks. All my treatments will be on Friday and I'll be able to drive myself and that can be my time to sit and veg for 3 hours. Actually I'll probably be catching up on my magazines, books, pinterest, etc. The drug I will take for those 12 weeks is Taxol. It is known to cause nausea, fatigue, hair loss, constipation (NO), etc. However, I've heard many people report they make it through taxol just fine, tired, but fine. SO that is my hope! After 12 weeks of Taxol, I'll start my final drugs known as AC. I'll take AC every other week for 4 sessions. That will last 8 weeks. This puts me through Christmas and into the new year. The good news is once January is over, hopefully I'll be done with all the shitty stuff! I've heard mixed reviews about AC, any where from people are tired, nauseous, to completely laid up in bed for several days. I absolutely hate feeling like crap, I'm nervous, especially since I'm fresh out of the hosp and still not 100%. There's 2 serious side effects, 1) I can developing Leukemia & 2) it can effect my heart. Both these are in less than 1% of the population. I need to remember and go back to my bible and start retelling myself GOD has this! GOD will take care of me!! HE will take away my worries, I just need some more reassurance!
On Sept. 11, I will get a port. The port will be a little nickel size object placed below my skin on the right size, on top of my pec. muscle. It has a tube that is also inserted in my vein so the drugs can be directly administered. This is an outpatient procedure, but once again I have to go to the hospital for this. I've decided to go ahead with a short hair cut to prepare my family. So, on Sept. 10, I've scheduled an appt. to chop the locks! I'm assuming, from previous conversations, that my children will each want a little ponytail. Weird, I know, but my hair is loved by my kids. Ironic, but it's always been a topic of conversations and Natalie always refers to my hair as my trademark.
Before leaving the hospital today, I had to get blood work. I have great blood vessels and nurses love my arms. So, today, I sat in the chair and the nurse started thumping my veins. I started getting a little worried, she said my veins are all hard. I said that wasn't normal and she asked if I'd already started chemo. I told her no, but I was 2 weeks out of surgery and she explained the drugs in the hosp. have harden my veins, but eventually they'll come back. Needless to say she finally was able to use 2 spots in my bicep to fill about 8 vials. This was after 4 times trying (inside elbow, top of hand, rolling veins, hard spots in my veins, starting the blood flow and it stopping suddenly, and her moving the needle around in my arm)! YUK, hopefully that'll go away and my otherwise healthy self will come back!
I'm shedding a few tears, more than before. I'm sad my kids, my husband, and that my family has to go through this! It's totally not fair to them! When you say "For better or worse" you don't imagine cancer. When I said my prayers (before my diagnosis) with my kids, I thanked GOD for their health and safety and I knew my life was good. I knew we had a perfect life. I never thought we were untouchable, I knew perfect could change at any moment. I know I'm blessed by GOD and I still thank God I have cancer and not my kids. Cancer has changed my perfect life and I pray one day it'll be back. I feel my weakness, I can see it. I can see where the weakness will come and I pray for strength. I need the strength to fight a good fight! I know I'll make it through the other side, people always do.
Thanks again for all the prayers, it is AMAZING and extremely UPLIFTING!  GOD has blessed me with wonderful friends and family!