I'm home!!!  I'm going to start off by saying forgive me for typos, etc...my vision is blurry from the anesthesia and probably the other drugs (and my glasses aren't helping)!  Needless to say my body doesn't like drugs and I'm getting all these icky side effects. How do people get addicted to drugs, this is awful!

I won't bore you with more specific details about the last few days, Rob did a great job! Also, thanks so much for all the prayers, well wishes, food, flowers, etc. Every time someone came into my hosp. room they commented on how good it smelled and how pretty all the flowers were. So, thanks to all of you for everything!

The nurses and PCA that were in and out of my room each day were all so kind, nice and helpful. ST. Luke's really is a great hospital.

When I got to the hospital Tuesday, I had to have an injection of the radioactive substances (Rob described it below).  I was very worried about this because I'd heard from several people that have had it done that it is very painful. So I asked every nurse, etc. could I get something to ease the pain, of 4 shots going in my boob?  (No was the answer they couldn't give me anything!). When I finally got to the tech and asked her, she said oh it won't hurt I promise. Dr. Fitzsullivan and the tech came up with a solution so it wouldn't hurt.  They added lidocaine to the syringe and I should be on a pain scale of 1 or 2.  I was so relieved to hear that. And in all honestly, the flu shot hurts worse that those 4 shots. So, I'd consider it a 0 on the pain scale.

While I was in the Pre-op area, so many nurses came in to see me and all because they knew Rob. I felt like they were personally going to take care of me. The CRNA, the nurse circulator, even people who weren't on my case were popping in saying they'd take care of me!  It felt really good. The last thing I remember is the CRNA, Terry, say she was giving me some juice and I'd probably start forgetting things. Yep, I did.  When I woke up, I felt awful because I don't remember saying goodbye to Rob. But, he said I did, so I'll take his word for it.

As I laid in the recovery room I felt all alone, I saw the nurse 3 times and he said, how are you? We are ready to transfer you upstairs-your family is up there, and I don't remember the other thing he said.  I could hear him with the man next to me which obviously had some kind of male surgery. Because I heard him talking about his groin, urinating etc. So, I guess he needed the nurse more than I did. 

I got up to my room where my mom and Rob were waiting. Rob whispered in my ear that the lymph nodes came back negative. I didn't feel over joyed, just kinda blah. In hindsight I guess we know why. I slept off and on and vaguely remembering talking to my visitors. By later that afternoon when the anesthesia wore off and I was left with all the post-op drugs in my body, it was awful. I was shaking, muscle spasms, not able to life my head and arms. I told the nurses I needed something else. So, I got morphine-yuk!  Same side effects just not as bad. So I refused that next pain shot and waited for my dr. to call in something else. Norco. Hydrocodone with tylenol. And that night I slept. I woke up when they came in to check my vitals, give me more meds, etc. The next morning, Dr. Gordley was in my room by 6:30am. He said, "well you're on pain pills, no need to keep you longer." Well, needless to say I asked to stay another night. I just wasn't ready after only 1 night with meds to come home and face reality. Well, it proved to be a good thing I stayed because as we all know Dr. Fitzsullivan came in to tell me my lymph nodes were indeed positive. When the initial pathology came back during surgery, the slices that were made in the nodes were made exactly around the cancer. So the Pathologist missed it. But he left them over night to observe them the next day. And there it was. UGH!!!  I was ok going back into surgery since I was at the hospital, but by time I got down to pre-op I was kinda sad. I warned everyone that I didn't want morphine and to keep me on the Norco. I felt bad after the 2nd surgery, my arm was very sore. They scrapped the arm pit, went under the pec. and lat. muscles and top to bottom to get out all the lymph nodes under the arm. And that scar goes from side to side in the pit. With the lymph nodes gone, I have to watch for lymphadema. I cannot ever have blood pressure, flu shots, anything in that arm for the rest of my life. And I'll need a sleeve to wear for sometime, especially during exercise!
Once the anesthesia wore off the 2nd time, I instantly felt better, not great, but pretty good.  The pain isn't horrible, just uncomfortable. I feel like I had a 1 hour boot camp session with push ups only.  And it is a bit more difficult to raise my arms above my head, but I am and I can. 

I got home yesterday afternoon with 5 drains, the joke is I look like a vary old lady with her boobs dragging by her waist. I can see the deflated bags in my chest, it's wrinkly and stiff, numb and itchy. Because I had 3 c-sections, I look like a smiley face. Picture the c-sec scare smiling, my belly button as a nose and 2 slanty eyes where my nipples once were. I told Rob I may not go much bigger in chest size simply because the skin I once thought was saggy isn't there. And in that case I don't want to go through the pain of stretching my skin..ha ha!  I'm over pain meds and feeling funny, I want to wean as fast as I can. When I got home the kids were excited to see me, but not as much as Max (my dog). Everyone said he moped around the house since I'd been gone, he wasn't eating, hardly drinking and would just lay there waiting. He was so excited he emptied his bladder all over the floor. He's been sitting with me and tries to get in my lap! Thank goodness he's small and won't hurt me!

Last night was a good night, I slept all night only to wake up to go to the bathroom. I got out of bed about 8:30, drained my drains (yuk-have to have them until at least Aug. 25), and came downstairs.  I only took 1 Norco tab, Suppose to take 2. But in all honesty I don't need it (the pain is bearable) and I probably will try to avoid taking more. 

For all of you wondering how I'm feeling, it is great!  Honestly, aside from a few other things here and there; tubes, drains, numb and itchy chest, stiff arm, blurred vision, a little light headedness (although my dad says that's the blonde hair) from the meds, I'm great!

I'm so thankful for all of you who have helped in so many ways. The meals have been delicious, the cards, flowers, food, etc. I'm thankful for FR. Tom coming to visit, Sister Norma for my crochet shaw, and several other church visitors that brought me communion etc. Thanks to my dad and Linda for keeping the fort in tip top shape, my mom for being my personal nurse and for Rob, he's been so strong. 

"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."  
I am def scarred up! But oh well, I don't really care.  

I will say I'm not really looking forward to chemo since my body doesn't like drugs and it'll surely make me feel bad. But then I look around and there's so many that do just fine and continue to work, run, etc.  I know I can do it and I know It'll all be good in the long run.

Now that I'm rambling, I'll say goodbye for now.

"But the LORD is with me like a MIGHT WARRIOR!" Jeremiah 20:11