Let me begin by saying my degree is not in writing, it was PE. Do not judge me on my grammar, spelling, punctuation, subject/verb tense, etc....! I'm simply writing as it comes to mind;).

It began with a regular mammogram on May 14. I got a call back from the Dr.'s office saying I needed to have another, more extensive mammogram. On June 10, I went to Women's Hospital to have another mammogram. This time when they take the pictures, a radiologist reviews them right away and decides if any more pictures are needed. The nurse comes back and says the radiologist needs more time to further review my mammo. I knew at this point it might not be good. However, I couldn't worry about it because Nathan was having his tonsils out the next day and I knew he'd need me to focus on him. Within 2 days I got a call saying they suspect something more is going on and referred me to a breast specialist downtown. I was told I have calcifications and those can lead to breast cancer.

Rob and I decided to call MD Anderson, The Woodlands. On Thur., June 12, I faxed my (1 paragraph typed) results over to MDA. The nurse called me back and scheduled an appointment for me on Monday June 16, 8:30am. On Monday, I met with a 'team' of people. I met a nurse, a PA, and a breast surgeon that specializes in breast cancer. The Dr. told me she also had suspicions of a small lump. She could feel it, but I probably wouldn't have known it was there. (And the mammogram didn't pick up much, it just picked up a change from my 1st mammogram last May. And that is why mammograms are so important, they pick up changes, and small little pin like calcifications that usually go unnoticed or lumps that are too small to be felt.) Dr. FitzSullivan didn't want to go into too many details until she could learn more from a biopsy, and they were still waiting to see my mammogram results (that hadn't yet arrived from Women's). The dr. did say that every woman who walks into her office has breast cancer until she can prove 100% otherwise. She treats everyone the same and is just as thorough.  From this appointment she scheduled a biopsy for Thursday.

On Thursday, June 19, I had a biopsy.  I felt like I walked into this nice, quiet office with a target on my head. The staff were looking at me like, you have cancer and you don't know it. All this time I kept praying for God to hold my hand, keep me strong, make this all go away, THIS WAS NOT part of my summer plans. AND, the kids still don't know anything-except, as you get older you go to the dr. more and that's what I was doing! Although Emma did tell me I wasn't old!  Always a funny girl!
My biopsy started with an ultrasound, a tech was scanning, measuring and taking pictures with the machine, just the same way they do when you're pregnant. They decided a biopsy was indeed necessary. The nurse looked at me very seriously and said, "I'm here for you, you will not feel any pain, the minute you do, tell the Dr. and she will stop and we will take care of it." First they took my BP and it was a mild 110/60 (something like that) with a heart rate of 49. She asked if I worked out and I simply said yes, but that my BP was high for me (normally I am below 100/60). She told me not to worry as this was stressful, but good thing I exercise regularly. The Dr. came in and began explaining the procedure (I wish I could remember her name-she was great)!  They gave me a shot to numb the skin (stung like a bee), then another shot inside to numb the area of the biopsy. Since I had 2 spots, this would happen twice. She numbed the skin and rubbed it in, kinda like a dentist does when he numbs your mouth-he starts shaking your cheek. She said she does this because her parents were dentists and she learned from them the meds spread faster. She then numbed the inside (I didn't feel it).  She told me the biopsy needle makes a clicking sound to not be alarmed and she let me hear it. Then for the biopsy, the tech holds the ultrasound over the area, the needle goes in, a countdown 3-2-1 then click and you can see the needle go into the lump and that is 1x. (It looks like a harpoon). The dr. said she likes to take 3-4 samples so pathology has enough tissue to complete the diagnosis. She said she's gotten people from other clinics having to repeat this biopsy because the dr.'s only took 1 sample (what?, who takes 1 sample of anything?). SO, 3 samples (harpoons) taken from spot 1, the numbing process was repeated on the other spot and then 4 samples (harpoons) taken. AND NOT 1oz OF PAIN!  The dr. also showed me little 'markers' they leave in where the biopsy was taken from. I'm not sure if it was a slip, or she thought I knew more, but she said they would come out during surgery.  (Rob is not in the room at this time). As they were cleaning everything, I thought I'd lighten the mood and ask about breast size. I'm pretty small, like really small, and I wondered if it's easier, harder, etc. on other sizes (maybe to make me feel like, see small boobs are better). The dr. said with bigger boobs, they have to tape them up, out of the way. I asked about implants and how that affected biopsies, and everyone in the room sighed. The dr. said she ruptured an implant 1 time because the tumor was on the implant and it was coming out anyway. They all agreed implants make it more difficult during a biopsy. After that I decided I needed to know what the dr. saw, after all, don't you think they see enough cancer they can tell? The dr. looked at me and said 'what do you know?' I said nothing really, except that there is suspicion of calcifications. Then she got quiet and I knew, she said 'you are at MDA for a reason, YOU ARE HERE, you will have surgery.'  And I could no longer hold it in. I started crying like a little baby,  crying like I haven't cried in years, tears were no longer held inside. The nurse went to get Rob and he was strong, he knew it would be ok, and it will, just not right away. And another BP check, 134/88, HR 54, NEVER in my life, pregnant or not have I ever had a BP that high. The nurse looked at me and said 'it'll be ok!'

After the biopsy, I went home knowing it was Thursday and I couldn't do anything except wait. Dr. Fitzsullivan, her PA, her nurse, the Radiologist that did my biopsy, and a few others meet every Tuesday to go over the patients from the previous week. On Friday afternoon, I decided I needed to talk to my priest right away, so I quickly went to church, thankfully it is about a half mile from my house.  Fr. Tom sat down and comforted me, not much he could really say, except I had a church full of people and of course him, praying for me.  I continued to pray and God comforted me, we got through the weekend and I knew in my heart I had 2 options 1)all clear or 2) cancer.  God comforted me, but I knew he was comforting me for the word cancer. Rob wasn't as prepared, he thought otherwise. On Monday I got a call from MDA and was asked to be in the office Wed. June 25, 2:45pm. They only talk to patients in person, not over the phone. Rob cleared his calendar, we got our sweet sitter to come stay with the kids and we went up to MDA. The usual happened, I say usual, because I've done it twice and I know it's my new routine when I get off the elevator on the 4th floor at MD Anderson Cancer Center. I'm greeted by a nurse, weighed, BP, HR, temperature taken, and off to a room down the hall.

After a long wait, it was long, they were running behind. The PA, Katie came into the room. Katie sat down and confirmed my thinking, I do indeed have Stage 1 Breast Cancer. It is called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I have 2 lumps, lump 1 measures 1.3cm, lump 2 measures .8cm. The thinking right now is they are independent of each other, however they are surrounded by calcifications. These calcifications were seen in the 1st mammo and why I am where I am. The area all together is about 4cm.  Now, hopefully the 2 lumps are not connected and the calcifications don't mean anything. The radiologist said  she scanned my lymph nodes and didn't notice any thing. However, she did not record this in writing, it's only a verbal notification. Meaning, we won't know 100% about the lymph nodes until surgery. By this time, Rob is frantically writing all this info down and I notice he is terribly upset. Katie leaves the room and Rob and I are there to start processing it. I knew this was what I was going to hear. Rob did not, therefore he is very upset. He saw his dad suffer from cancer and chemo and he doesn't want me to suffer. I assured him I will not suffer, I'm a fighter, I like a little competition so BRING IT ON....I DON'T LIKE TO LOOSE! Plus, GOD is stronger than cancer and with him on my side, there's no chance of a loss here. The news is very surreal, I cannot believe it is happening, I cannot believe I have Cancer...I don't feel sick, I don't look sick, I feel great!  BUT, like a friend said, I have cancer, cancer does not have me!

After another long while, Dr. FitzSullivan comes back in the room, she sat down and repeated everything Katie told us, this time she had a handful of papers and drew pictures, wrote stuff down, etc. A professor's notes I had, not the scribble Rob wrote through tears. Two things are certain from this, 1)I will have surgery 2) I will take tamoxifen.  I am Estrogen positive, and progesterone positive. Another test that will take longer to come back is the Her2. Dr. FitzSullivan is pretty sure that will come back negative, but not 100% sure..we pray it's negative. (Her2 positive would mean the cancer may not respond to some treatments and may be spreading). As we were continuing to go over this mountain of information with the dr., I had already told myself I'd get a mastectomy if needed. The other option was lumpectomy. Because of the 4cm area of both lumps and my small chest size, mastectomy is the best option. I immediately got blood drawn for the BRCA1 test. We need to wait on that test, the Her2 test, a MRI (to make sure my other side isn't affected), and then we can proceed with the surgery. I will have a single mastectomy, the dr. will remove my first layer of lymph nodes (the gate keepers as they call them, because if they are negative, the others will be negative. If they are positive, the others are probably positive or would soon test positive) the pathologist will immediately test them. If they test positive, the dr. will remove all my lymph nodes. If they are negative, they will just take out those first 3. I will have what is called a filler. The filler will remain in while I undergo chemo and/or radiation. None of that is certain until all the pathology from my surgery comes back. If it's in the lymph nodes, radiation for sure. If the BRCA1 comes back positive and/or the Her2 then I will have chemo. If those tests are positive, I will also have the double mastectomy right away as well, eventually followed by removal of my ovaries. YEP, I will have the Angelina Jolie surgery!  IF all goes as planned (ha ha!) I will have surgery, tamoxifen and possibly just chemo to make sure we got it all!! That's the aggressive approach and I want to be aggressive!
And once again, I saw Fr. Tom, he reassured me he would fight for me and so would GOD. I know we  will be seeing much more of him!
Here are my plans for those of you that are interested....  July 2, meet with a wonderful (I've heard) Dr. Gordley, a plastic surgeon. On July 7, I have an MRI, and July 21st I have pre-op.

On Tues., July 1 we told the kids. Rob thought Nathan would have a hard time, he thought he'd internalize it and blame himself. Emma we knew wouldn't really understand. Natalie however, had a very difficult time, she really cried and ask why....she wanted so bad to wake up from this dream, make it all go away....But we just prayed, talked and reassured them this was all just a bump in the road and together we will all fight!  The kids started chanting 'FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!' I told the kids I wasn't afraid to talk to them, their friends, we could cry, we could say the word cancer and I am here anytime to talk about it. Keep Natalie in your prayers, she is very emotional, and is having a more difficult time processing it all!

I have a few prayers and here is what I ask....1st-pray for all those that are truly suffering from cancer.  2nd-for me here are my hopes and my wishes for my remaining tests and upcoming surgery...
1)my genetic test comes back negative
2)my Her2 test is negative
3)my MRI is clear
4)my surgery reveals no lymph node involvement and the 2 lumps are very much 2 separate lumps and the calcifications are not significant
5) and finally if I do have chemo and/or radiation that my family is not affected and it all goes as seemless as possible.

I know all those wishes are probably not very realistic and are best case scenario, but I really don't care right now! I will continue to take it 1 day at a time and continue to have FAITH!  I have cancer, cancer does not have me!

On Wednesday, July 2, I visited with Dr. Gordley, a plastic surgeon that ONLY does reconstruction on breast cancer patients. And he is good looking, tan, fit, and extremely nice.  He was great, he sat down and talked about the cancer, the reconstruction and my options.  OMG, so many options and we won't know what to do until the remaining path reports are back AND won't know completely until my surgery.  First, he likes the double mastectomy option for the first surgery over a single mastectomy (which I'm fine with). It makes it easier to come back and simply reconstruct down the road on both at the same time. But, ultimately it is my decision along with what Dr. FitzSullivan thinks is best. AND, we still have to wait on the MRI to see if anything is suspicious on my non-cancer side.  2nd, If I have to have radiation (won't know until surgery) I CANNOT have an implant-EVER. UGH. So, in that instance, I would have to use belly fat to reconstruct the side where I have radiation. Then, we have the right side (which as of now is cancer free), what to do with that. Because Dr. Gordley says I only have enough belly fat for 1 side. Once again, let's pray I don't have any lymph node involvement therefore no radiation and can have both sides nicely reconstructed. Otherwise, I'll have a tummy tuck, that fat deposited on the radiated side and an implant on the other. All this will be decided within the next few weeks as pathology and MRI results come back.

Dr. Gordley said because my cancer is so small, it actually may have been there for over a year, maybe 2. (WHAT?)  He said breast cancer grows very slowly. This is another reason why it is SO IMPORTANT to have yearly mammograms. Get them on the books and don't wait!  Same time every year!