2 weeks down and 4 to go!  Is it wrong to say I actually like going to radiation??  HA HA!!!  For the last 6 months I hadn't felt like doing much. I did the bare minimum I could. I spent more time inside my house that I have in the last 10 years. Just resting, relaxing, healing, hanging, etc.  Of course I got out when necessary, but if there were days in the week I didn't have to go anywhere, I wouldn't. That said, I'm so tired of being home it's unreal. And the cold, rainy weather doesn't help. I CAN'T GET WARM!! UGH. A bit of cabin fever maybe?? So, to get out of the house and go to the hospital and see the same 3-6 radiation techs each day is nice. The techs are great, we make small talk, smile and laugh often. And the best part is there are no drugs going into my body. Simply laying on a table is has hard as it gets! My time is down significantly, I'm on the table for 20 min. and have a round trip from my house of 1 hour! If you have to radiation, it isn't bad at all. It is saving my life!

For all of you out there who hesitate to get a mammogram. Maybe you think it hurts, maybe you think it's uncomfortable. Try having cancer. Mammograms can detect cancer before it's cancer, they can detect lumps before they metastasize. Don't be scared, don't be afraid, just do it!  Cancer doesn't have to run in your family, it doesn't in mine. Our environment can cause cancer. You say you're healthy, I was. I ate good foods, I exercised regularly, was considered healthy by my health care professionals. Cancer DOES NOT discriminate. PLEASE, PLEASE, get your annual mammograms. Think you need one before 40, ask for it. I should have.

I hope you are finding this Lenten season is treating you well. I can already say I've eaten meat on Friday when I shouldn't have, I'm not spending as much solitude time in prayer as I should, BUT I am thinking about Jesus Christ every day and how he died on the cross for us! I am thinking that all our sins are forgiven, but we simply must ask. Prayer has saved me, it saved me from my worry, my fears, and has brought me comfort in my heart. I truly know I will be ok, my cancer is gone!  And that is what happens when you HAVE FAITH!

love, hugs, prayers to you and yours......

I have to say, I'm on Day #2 of Radiation and it is quite easy. I basically lay there, left side fully exposed and let the techs and machine do all the work. I posted a picture of the machine!  The Million Dollar machine!  There's only 2 of them at MDA St. Lukes, The Woodlands and I can only go on this one. I'm completely marked up, red, blue and purple marks all over the left side of my chest, from my cleavage to the side under my arm. Every day, either 11:30 or 11:45 for the next 6 weeks. I check in at the front counter, they buzz me in. I walk down a long hall to a changing room. Two gowns, one open to the front and the top one open to the back. I change clothes, put my stuff in a locker and sit in the small waiting area outside my room. Once I'm called back I hand the tech my card, it has a bar code on it that tells the machine who I am and my protocol for radiation. I go through a big vault like door and into the room. I am helped onto the table (see picture) and placed in my foam pillow (that is hard). I then lay down and the techs move me by way of pulling my gowns.  They line me up with my markings on my chest and the machine. I have a purple rectangle on my stomach and in that box goes another 3D white box that is taped to me. On that white box are 2 little silver circles. These circles line up to another contraption at my feet. They line up when I take a deep breath and hold it. The tech also told me on his computer that's in another room (think mission control-that's what it looks like, a long room with a ton of computers) and on one screen is a blue line across the top of the screen. At the bottom of the screen is a yellow line. That yellow line is my breath and when I hold it, the yellow line moves up to the blue line to make a green line indicating radiation can be given. If at any time I release my breath or move (the green line goes to yellow and blue again or the silver circles on 3D white box move off target) radiation immediately stops. Or if the tech forgets to tell me to hold my breath and pushes the radiation button, no radiation will be given because none of the other indicators were ready. AMAZING!!  Thank God for the Doctor's and this technology!  I lay in amazement each time I'm on this table. I have to hold my breath any where from 2 seconds to 20. And I am treated in 4 different spots. So each time they treat me for several breath holds and then the techs come back in, reposition me, the table and add some contraptions to the machine (looks like 3D frames that bring the radiation closer to me) and away the techs go and then more radiation. The machine you see in the picture is in the rest position. The round part at the top comes out and down and can move to any spot needed. (you can see the 3D frame things-see a red thing? Those don't stay on for each session, only 2 out of 4 sessions. My name is on 2 frame like things and stay with only me for 6 weeks).  The sides also come out. My table is moved onto the white circle on the floor and can move up, down,  & sideways, think roller coaster car being moved into position! Super easy, time is about 30 minutes on the table. About an hour from parking lot, in, treatment, out and parking lot again. The reason for me holding my breath is to move my heart away from the chest wall. This gives the radiation a chance to really get the chest wall good without damaging to my heart!
AMAZING!!!!  The side effects are not present as of now. I have to apply lotion, to prevent or lesson the effects of the burn and itching and I have to stretch to maintain my range of motion. Eventually the burn, think bad sunburn and itching are inevitable and will happen, just hopefully later, towards the end of my treatments!
I'm so confident, so glad this part of the treatment is painless and easy. I'm already getting used to taking a break in my day and I just know I have to do it. One more thing to save my life!

Finally, Happy Fat Tuesday! Tomorrow marks the beginning of Lent. I'm excited for this Lenten season to begin. Lots to celebrate, lots to be thankful for and lots to reflect on. May God be with you during this season, guide you and comfort you. May you find time to move closer to Him.
And once again, Thank you for the continued support and prayers!
Love, hugs and prayers to each of you.....I am blessed!

Monday was my first appointment with radiation. After a long wait in between the nurses and the doctor I finally got set up to lay on the table. First thing they did was fit me on a pillow of some sort. It has foam in it and they suck out the air to form fit it around my radiation position. Arm bent and up and head turned to the right. Once I was in position and the pillow was formed. They put a few stickers on me and sent me into the machine. Not quite a MRI machine, more or less a huge donut looking thing that me and my table are sent through. There's lasers come from other areas, the 2 side walls and the ceiling. Once the Dr. comes in and makes sure the tape is in the right spot, out come these paint, sharpie type markers and away the techs go with circles and lines. Back in the donut for a good bit now, probably about 10-15 min. Back out and some more marks, moving the tape, etc. This time when I go back in the donut I'm asked to hold my breath for several seconds. I have to hold my breath because this moves my heart slightly and allows the beams to miss it and spare me the chance of any possible damage. Once back out of the donut, the techs start really marking me up. I have 5 huge lines, crosses, circles, etc. all over my left boob, and under my arm and a big purple box on my stomach. Then the tech tells me she is going to give me 4 small black tattoos. Ok, so no big deal, right?  My boob area is still numb so no problem. I've had all kinds of needles poked in me, right?  The first one is about an inch from my collarbone, Holy Guacamole, this hurt like dog crap! She stuck the needle in and then I could feel the push of the ink, then she moves it around a bit!  AGH...I even made a face and was biting my lip!  Then onto the next one, just about in my cleavage, but more on the left side, then down to my belly (this doesn't hurt as bad-it has a little  more cushion), and then the final one under my arm on my left side. Needless to say, my numbness has faded for the majority of the area surrounding the boob!  OK, glad this part is over! When I get off the table I realize I much more marked up than I thought. AND this has to stay there! I go back on Friday to get back on the table and make sure all the markings and my new card with my barcode (I have to hand this to the tech every day and it matches me to the machine) are all set up and ready to go. Monday will be my first session. Therefore I will finish radiation the last week of March! Six straight weeks, Monday-Friday!

Now that the main effects of chemo have faded, it's time to start working out, for real again! I didn't realize during chemo that I actually wasn't 100% until each day passes and each day gets better and better. No reason not to start going back to boot camp. So, Tuesday I made it back. It was great to get back to something I'd done for so long. Today I'm a little sore, but not awful. Definitely a good sore!

And finally, a story that I wanted to share. My final day of chemo was Friday, Jan. 16th. Also on that day Deacon Mike from my church was killed in a single helicopter accident he was piloting. In previous posts leading up to my final chemo and my ringing of the bell I compared the ringing of the chemo bell and an angel getting it wings. On Friday, Jan 16th about 1pm I rang my chemo bell, I rang it loud and I rang it long. On Friday, Jan 16th about 1pm Deacon Mike's helicopter crashed (about a mile from the hospital where I was) and he did not survive. To say I rang my bell for chemo, yet I also rang my bell because Deacon Mike got his wings is an eery coincidence. Maybe there is more to it than that, maybe God had his hand in it all. So, not only do bells ring in celebration for us here on Earth, but they ring in celebration in Heaven as well. And that I know!

Love, hugs and prayers to each of you......

Well, to say this week has been uneventful is an understatement!  One of the lessons I've learned through all this is you have to go with the flow. And once again I'm so thankful I've taken a back seat to my volunteering at the kids schools. No need to call and cancel anything at the last minute if I have nothing planned!  With that said, Monday afternoon my port started getting red and the skin became sensitive. SERIOUSLY?  I'm scheduled to get it out next week, why now?  OK, the timing was great because it served it's purpose, chemo is over. Needless to say, by Tuesday morning the area was swollen, tender, red and I'd been having a fever & chills since Monday evening. My first stop Tues., before taking care of my port, was Dr. Gordley. He has to drain some of the saline in my left expander. He simply stuck a needle in (yes, area still completely numb) and out comes BLUE fluid. I mean Royal blue fluid. Yes, I bleed Mustang (Friendswood-my home town) blue!  Ha Ha!!  I asked why it was blue and he says he puts a blue dye in the expanders so when/if he has to drain them he knows he's getting the expander fluid out and nothing else. As I was leaving his appointment, my nurse called back about the port. I had to go to the hospital and have it checked out by the PA. Once she saw it, they knew it had to be removed on an 'urgent' basis. BUT, first, blood work to make sure my counts look good. And then off to wait for an opening in the radiology department and the surgeon. I was glad to be getting the port out but it really kind of seemed anti-climatic! So during the removal I was awake and only the area was numbed with lidocaine. The Dr. (Dr. Round) who removed it was really nice and just talked me through the entire process. She said the sting of the shot would hurt, and a bit more because of the infection. Great! So, what else to do but pray to God. With each push of the needle and injection of the meds I kept saying 'Please God' and what do you know...nodda, nothing, barely a mosquito bite feel. SWEET....How great God is! Ok, so then, I must've stopped because the 'digging' out of the port didn't feel so good. The Dr. that put it in made a pocket for it to fit in my muscle, and there were no stitches, thank goodness! And my body had 'accepted' the port so it was nice and snug in there. I asked to see the port-gross, yes, I know, don't care, I saw it. It's hard to explain what it looks like, but it's like little cylinder, with a wider base and a softer-rubbery top where the needle goes in and then a long white tube that went down in my vein. The top of it was sent off to be cultured. Along with another set of blood that was taken, again, before the procedure. Once the port was out the open area was flushed with antibiotics and I was stitched, glued and steri-stripped back together and sent home! Once I was home, I felt horrible. I had had a headache all day, but couldn't take anything for it because I'd exceeded the amount of OTC for fever/headache for the day. I was still having chills and fever all afternoon and into the evening. By time I went to bed, out came the real meds. The hydrocodone. Yes, it worked. Within 30 min. of taking it the chills, fever, and headache were all gone and I could actually sleep. That is until I had more chills throughout the night! UGH. This went on throughout Wednesday too. AND, the deflated side actually hurts a little too. By Thursday I was starting to feel normal again, including really eating again for the 1st time since Monday. Today, Friday I feel back to myself again. That is minus the pain from the port removal. The muscle is still very tender and it hurts to stretch my arm out.

Not much else to report on. Except my nails. Last time I said I thought they were getting better-NO, they aren't. Well, a few are but I have 3 that are only connected to about half the skin-you can lift the nail up. And another 2 that are getting close to becoming disconnected. With them painted you can't tell, but I'm about to put tape over them so they don't get ripped off!  Oh the joys of chemo and the side effect that linger. Yes, I'm very thankful they are minor.

Through all this I love listening to sweet little kids and all the things they say about me and my appearance. One of Emma's friends asked her why I had no eyebrows! And on the way to dance Monday, Emma's friend (the same little girl who asks me to take my hat off so she can rub my head) told me how creepy it was to see my without my hat and Nathan and Emma chimed in agreement!  I totally love how they say what they think. It never hurts my feelings because I can only imagine what must be going on in their minds.

All in All, another week has passed since Chemo and off to radiation next week. My marking session for this week got bumped to Monday. So, I pretty sure I'm delayed a few days on starting, therefore I won't be completely finished with radiation until the end of the March. I'm just ready to get started!

I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting to write something and thus I'll have to catch up another time!

I hope all is well and you are finding peace, love and happiness in your day! Please continue to pray for those in need. And don't forget about all those battle cancer.

Love, hugs and prayers to each of you!!!

It's been 2 weeks since my last chemo. I'm starting to return to normal. And am loving every minute of it!!! My appetite isn't completely back, but much better. My taste buds are better and I am definitely over the 'fog' of chemo. However, last week, my infection in my left side came back with a vengeance.  Thankfully, I was able to get on the antibiotics within 24 hours. However, I remained in pain the entire weekend. It hasn't completely lessoned either. Hopefully I can make it through the weekend, because next Tuesday Dr. Gordley has to deflate the left side (side of infection). I then have my 'markings' appointment with radiology on Thur. and start radiation on Monday Feb. 9th! And by then my immune system should be working properly and with radiation just maybe the stupid bacteria will be gone for good! For the record, these expanders completely bite!
Beyond the expanders I'm noticing new hair growth!  Yippee!!  Ha Ha, not sure how my body knows I'm not getting any more chemo. But, I am a little excited to dump the hats, although still many, many weeks away. So the hair may be scarce and I know a watched pot won't boil, but there are some stragglers growing up top! And, my eyelashes. I was looking in the mirror yesterday and noticed the light caught an entire row of eyelashes. Extremely short, but spanning my eye lid. I had been getting discouraged because I'd get new dark single eyelash and then they'd be gone as fast as they came. Never really thought a row of blonde eyelashes were there! So, this week, for the first time, in about a month, I actually wore mascara!  It's still very faint, but enough to not look so naked (on my eyes that is). And, finally, I think my nails are starting to change back to normal. Not sure I have written about them, but they were extremely brittle and gross, like a very old person. I've kept them painted so no one could tell. All these little things will one day be normal and I probably won't even remember them. Oh the joys of Chemo!
My final thoughts are to remember, God gives you what you can handle and you can handle more than you know!

Thanks to all of you for the well wishes that you continue to give me!  I'm so thankful for you all!

Love, hugs, & prayers to each of you!!

patti

I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M OFFICIALLY FINISHED WITH CHEMO!  WOW, it still doesn't seem real that I've been through 5 months of chemo, lost all my hair, have no eyelashes, no eyebrows, yet have come through this relatively unscathed. I mean, don't get me wrong, I need a complete detox. My body is screaming at me to get back to exercising, eating healthy and being 'normal!'

Friday was a great day!  I could barely get through the morning or the days leading up to ringing the bell without getting teary eyed. Rob and I got to my treatment on time, as usual. But someone decided it would be funny to run a little late that day! As anxious as I was, I sat in the waiting room for almost 30 minutes before even being called back for my vitals. Once I had my blood pressure, weight and pulse taken, the nurse quickly said HR 90! I said, 'whoa, what?  90? My heart rate!' I'd been sitting in the waiting room forever and my pulse was 90....you think I was excited??

We went back to my room to start treatments. This was the worse room I'd ever had-NO WINDOW! On a gorgeous day as it was, the sun finally out after no telling how many rainy, cold days and I can't see any of it!  OH Well, I left it alone and just sat in my non-window room taking in all the final drugs my body could handle!  As the time passed and I knew some family and a few friends were gathering in the waiting room to watch me ring my bell I was getting a little tired, maybe the excitement was wearing on me. The nurse (who was my 1st nurse & ironically my last), came in, started the last chemo bag and said 1 hour! By this time, Rob decided to go out into the waiting room to see who was there. (Only 1 person is allowed in the treatment areas at a time.) Low and behold, here comes my dad! I haven't seen my dad since Christmas, he's had his treatments, been back and forth to MDAnderson downtown and between our illnesses we don't have the energy to get together. AND, I had just talked to him, he was downtown getting his blood work checked. What a great surprise!!  So we talked and then my phone starts beeping, Rob's sending text messages, "times up!" There was a waiting room full of people waiting to come say hi! My last hour of treatment went rather quickly. And then, the final beep of the IV machine. THAT WAS IT! DONE!  I won't bore you with the details of my final minutes getting our stuff gathered and everyone coming in to see the bell ringing ceremony. Once it was time to ring the bell, I was so darn excited all I wanted to do was ring it and get the heck outta dodge!!! I was emotional, but not nearly as much as I thought I'd be. I WAS JUST SO GLAD TO BE DONE!
There is a picture of those with me that joined in the ringing of the bell.  As we were walking out to my car, I was surprised with all kinds of pink balloons tied to my car!  Thanks HB! We all went to eat burgers and Rob surprised me with a yummy red velvet Nothing Bundt Cake! Lunch was fun and it was so good to eat with friends and family! As we were wrapping up lunch, Rob kept looking at his watch and saying "we've got to go!"  I was a little confused as I knew we had kids to get home from school, but we didn't need 30min. to drive home. Sure enough the surprises didn't end there. As I drove down the street, my yard was covered with more pink balloons, there were decorations hanging from the trees and a huge sign with all the neighbors waiting for me! Thanks so much Vicki for organizing this!! And what do you know, the flowers, the calls, the text messages, the FB messages, etc. have all been so overwhelming. You know it is truly amazing the support, the prayers, and it all really does help you get through this crap!  The surprises didn't end there, Saturday morning when I checked my emails, there was a message from a Galatas (kids school) friend, Julie. Julie went around the school, with a little bell. She had teachers and staff, other parents, & even my kids all ring the bell and saying a few words of encouragement for an awesome video. If I knew how to attach the video I would, it was so wonderful and brought tears to my eyes! Happy tears!  Tears of joy...this is finally behind me! And, yes, I have the bell. Julie dropped it off for me to keep!
This weekend hasn't been so bad. My mom was here with me, Nathan & Emma. As Rob was out of town with Natalie in San Antonio for volleyball. Her team is so supportive. They all wore pink ribbons in their hair to show their support for us!  Thank you!!! And a big shout out to my sister Kristy & Hannah for driving to SA to stay with Natalie Sunday and drive her home Monday (all so Rob can get back to work). It definitely takes a village to not only raise kids, but to raise kids and go through cancer!
I wouldn't say I've been in a horrible funk, it's not the worst weekend I've had on AC. Just blah....ready to move on! I'm ready to feel good again!

I've been blessed beyond words. I've been so fortunate to have the strength of Samson when all his hair was cut. I've had the courage of David to fight Goliath. I've channeled all this inner peace and strength and with the support and encouragement you all have given me, Rob, the kids, it truly has been amazing!!

I cannot begin to thank Rob for everything. When I was first diagnosed, he wanted to hire a full-time, live in nanny. To help with the everyday. I fought him and expressed how unnecessary it was. Thankfully he listened to me and it hasn't been that bad! Sure he's made the bed more, emptied the dishwasher more, but he did it with a smile. He held my hand during everything, he stood tall next to me and supported me in more ways than one. He is my Rock!

Don't think this is the end of my long, drawn out tales....Radiation is about to begin and when that's completed I'll have another surgery to tell y'all all about! And in between all this will be some new floors for my house, a BIG pink party and all kinds of mini-vacations I'm excited to take!

For now....For the next few weeks, time to breath, time to relax, time to focus on the final stage! The big jump off my mountain, the final kick in my race, it's all here. With God lifting me up, with you all beside me I can finish!

I love you all and am so thankful I have you in my life!

Hugs, kisses, prayers.....

It's official, my eyelashes are gone!  Oh well, with a week to go I really don't care!

Last week progressively got better with each passing day. I've learned it takes a good 5-6 days for my appetite to even begin to start working again! On Tuesday of last week (about 5 days after chemo) we were running our typical evening taxi service and decided to grab fast food for dinner. Emma chimed in with a McDonald's plea, and like a light bulb going off in my head, suddenly a BIG MAC sounded absolutely delicious. I can't tell you the last time I had a McD's burger, or anything from there for that matter. So, there I went, ordered me a BIG MAC meal. The fries were ok (since when did they cut back on the salt?-my taste buds love salt these days!), the fountain coke was super yummy and the burger hit the spot. It'd been since the Friday of chemo that I ate anything substantial and my body was so thankful...full fat, calories and all! But, I really don't care, I need strength to carry on! By weeks end I had eaten 3 BIG MAC's and loved every bite!  It was really the only thing my body accepted last week. But as of this week I'm back to eating normal foods, not greasy, fattening burgers!

Today I had my FINAL blood draw, and oncologist appointment. I actually got a little teary eyed pulling into the hospital!  I know I have to have regular check-ups every 3 months for the first few years, and then every 6 months until 5 years. But the weekly appointments are over. I actually met with Dr. Nelson's PA, Bonnie. It was good to talk to her as she explained all the side effects on my uterus and ovaries from the Tamoxifin I'm about to start. I can't see Dr. Nelson explaining all that-although quite capable I'm sure. So, in short I'll explain my day! Remember, I said I'm almost at the top of my mountain, well as of Friday I'll be there. But on Feb. 5 I will take a giant leap off! On Thur., Feb. 5th I will have my official marking session for radiation. I will get tattooed (yes, I will have permanent black marks) were the radiation will target. But before that can happen, Dr. Gordley will have to deflate my left side expander. On Feb. 9th I can get blood work and if my White Blood Cell counts are normal I can get my port removed that week! Also on Feb. 9th I'll start my 6 weeks of radiation. I will go everyday and each session will last about 30 min. That hopefully means I'll be done with radiation by the time the kids are out for Spring Break!  OMG, the light at the end of the tunnel is within sight. Although my final reconstruction surgery won't take place until August sometime. I can see the light!

GOD has been so good to me. He's taken care of us and without jinxing my family, not one of the kids have had as much as a sniffle! And with all our cold, rainy, awful winter I'm so very thankful! Me on the other hand...get this, nose hair-gone, that means a constant drip....yep, those nose hairs are good for something-stop drips!

I can't explain the excitement I have building up for my last chemo on Friday. It's like a family vacation that you're leaving town for, it's like graduation day. It is graduation day! A day of moving on, out with the old and in with the new. I'm excited for my lashes to grow back. And of course my HAIR! I'm excited to not tip toe around germs, around moving too much in my chest (as if not stretching is preventing bacteria growth and another infection in my expander). I'm just flat out, pumped up, excited for Friday!! My chemo appointment is at 10am and without any delays that bell should ring loud and proud sometime around 1-1:15pm. Listen for it, I'm sure you'll hear it, I'm sure you'll feel my tears of joy. I want to Thank you all for lifting me up, holding my hand and getting me through the last 5 months of chemo. Without y'all it would have been a much different path. So without further adieu, ring the bells, sound the horns, not only for me but for each and every person who will ring the 'end of chemo' bell. In the future when I hear a bell ring, it won't be "an Angel getting it's wings," to me it'll be another person has finished chemo.

I saw this bible verse this week and thought it was appropriate. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!" Galatians 6:9

Love, hugs, kisses and prayers to all....