I said last year I wasn't going to let my yearly anniversaries get to me. Overall, I don't think I have. However, I can't help but ponder the memories of the past couple summers. I had my yearly checkup with my OBGYN. And although she doesn't have anything to do with my cancer check-ups, this is the appointment 2 years ago that I had my mammogram which lead to my diagnosis. And I can't help but think about all the tests, appointments, etc. that followed. On the flip side, let's ponder this...OMG, I CANNOT believe it's been nearly 2 years. I can honestly say it feels very surreal to think I went through everything I did. It really does feel like it was just a small part of this big life we all live. Cancer doesn't define me, but it does add to my journey. And it continues to be a part of my life. I know in time, thoughts, memories, etc. will all fade and I will definitely welcome those faded memories.
Next week Rob and I will make a quick trip to Baltimore so I can meet with the very well-known Vinnie Myers and get my nipple tattoos. Natalie asked me the other day, why it's necessary to get them done? Good question...at first I asked the same thing. Dr. Gordley had said it's really important to get something done (rather it be tattoos or nipple reconstruction), to have that glimpse in the mirror of normalcy. And after nearly 2 years of not having any, I'd say I have to agree. I can get out of the shower and I see scars, I see that I'm not completely normal, ha-was I ever?  SO, I'm hoping that by adding these 2 little tattoos that it'll help. Speaking of scars, my belly scar is slowly starting to fade. I've been applying those gel scar diminisher strips and they've helped tremendously. And on top of all this I need to lose some weight. You are probably thinking, what? I've had a tummy tuck & liposuction, how can I need to lose weight? Let me just say this. Since having my mastectomy almost 2 years ago, exercising the way I was used to wasn't easy. After every surgery, I had to wait about 8 weeks to work out again. And we all can imagine how unmotivated I was during chemo and radiation to get out and run. Needless to say this last surgery back in Oct. & then again in Dec. really had me out of any kind of exercise for nearly 4 months. I've been back to boot camp for a couple months now and I've started running a few times a week. I wouldn't say I'm loving it, because it's hard, it hurts and I'm much older now so it's taking a lot longer. It's really difficult to get back to where I was. BUT, never fear, I'm motivated and determined! Why let cancer take another thing from me-right?
My other motivation recently has been thinking about my path. My path that is directed by God. He has it all planned out, why should we question or even try to change it. I read something recently that really resonated with me. If God has our life all planned out, why should we force anything different. I'm not saying we should just sit around and not do anything. But when doors are opened, take advantage of them. If doors close on us, take them as they are. An end that will lead to a new beginning. If we are praying, if we're talking to God, He's going to show us the right way. So, in the mean time, until I find my new way, I'm going to continue and let God lead me. I'm going to trust in him, and most importantly I'm going to try and be patient until new doors are opened.

Until next time, which will be sooner than later, my wish is for you to all be healthy, happy and safe. Please add my dad & Linda to your prayers again. The road for them remains bumpy and the life they once lived is no longer in front of them. We all hope that one day he will be healthy again and able to live as he once did. This is not what he wanted, not what he expected and certainly not what any of us imagined......Prayers are always needed and welcomed!

love, hugs & kisses....